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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people prefeSome people prefer friends that agree with their own views while others prefer those who have a different view

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Some
people
Use synonyms
prefeSome
Correct your spelling
prefer some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer friends
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 agree with their own
views
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others prefer those who have a different view Discuss your opinion about
this
Linking Words
. Many individuals prefer to be in agreement with their friends,
while
Linking Words
 others think that it is better to have mates with distinct
views
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe, that as soon as
people
Use synonyms
 have various social environments, they will receive much more advantages from relationships, rather than contacting with soul-mates.
To begin
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 with, it has been claimed by society that sustaining
in
Change preposition
apply
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mutual friendship has plenty of benefits for every individual’s well-being,
due to
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 the similarity of opinions, and understanding between close
people
Use synonyms
. They are able to demonstrate each other mutual support and long-lasting interest.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 kind of friendship mostly depends on the personality of a particular individual, and numerous cases prove that it does not develop
people
Use synonyms
 in their personal resilience.
For instance
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, as it was written in the “Good Wives” by Louise May Olkott, characters
such
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 as Lori and Jo, were definitely mutual friends, but ended up being only familiars
due to
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 the professional crisis.
On the contrary
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,
people
Use synonyms
 with different
views
Use synonyms
 can drive each other to excel and transcend their own positions.
As a result
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,
such
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 a tendency of relationships can bring both sides for developing, and a wider spectrum of tolerance. Understanding a higher range of points can create numerous possibilities to push your own limits, but remain heard and respected by
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
 environment.
In addition
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, most psychologists recommend to widen circle of mates, and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 ones from very distinct
views
Use synonyms
, especially if you are going to study abroad, rather than just staying in your own country’s diaspora. It can lead to a widening of the knowledge
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and greater agreement. In summary,
people
Use synonyms
 might choose any comfortable type of friendship
according to
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 their preferences, even though I personally prefer ones who are of a diverse view, and can create a special atmosphere for development.

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task achievement
While your introduction presents both sides, consider elaborating more on your personal view. Strengthening your thesis statement can help clarify your position right from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs focus clearly on one main idea. Occasionally, there are multiple ideas presented in one paragraph, which can confuse the reader.
task achievement
Integrate more specific examples to reinforce your arguments. This will enhance the depth of your discussion and demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Transitioning between ideas could be smoother. Using linking words or phrases more effectively can help improve the flow of your argument.
task achievement
The essay shows a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion.
task achievement
Your use of examples to illustrate points adds depth to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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