IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many large cities, pelople waste hours of their time every day because of traffic congestion_on the roads. What are the causes of this? What solutions can yoj suggest?

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Large
cities
Use synonyms
 are facing a huge problem which is
traffic
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 jams on the
roads
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. The question is
people
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 waste a lot of their time
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 the
traffic
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 on the
roads
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. There are many causes,
However
Linking Words
, The main cause is
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
number
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 of
people
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
large
cities
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. They ought to expand the
roads
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 in the big
cities
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to introduce solutions to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are many
people
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 left their hometown in order to find a job in large
cities
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, The
number
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 of
people
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 getting higher than before,
Moreover
Linking Words
, governments do not do anything to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue
such
Linking Words
 as expanding the
roads
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 or making new streets.
Therefore
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, The large
cities
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 nowadays are not enough
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 with the
number
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 of
people
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live
Wrong verb form
living
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 there.
For instance
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, In China, A lot of
people
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 moved to big
cities
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,
Therefore
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, The
government
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 of China is facing a huge problem which is
traffic
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 jams in large
cities
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,
Furthermore
Linking Words
, They do not do anything to solve it.
However
Linking Words
, The
government
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 should make restrictions on the
people
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. There are many families who have more than one car,
Hence
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, The
government
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 ought to make a tax on the
people
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 who have more than one car.
Also
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, The
government
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 should
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 public transportation,
Moreover
Linking Words
, The ticket ought to be a lower price than before.
For instance
Linking Words
, New Zealand was facing
traffic
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 everywhere around the country,
However
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, They made a tax on
owners
Change noun form
owners'
owner's
show examples
 cars,
Also
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, They
Correct your spelling
and they
 developed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation.
Hence
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, They do not have any
traffic
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 recently. In conclusion, I would argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public transportation is essential in big
cities
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.
The
Change preposition
With the
show examples
 increasing
number
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 of
people
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 in the
cities
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,
In contrast
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, There are not
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
roads
Use synonyms
 enough for them.

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task achievement
Ensure to check for grammar and punctuation errors. For example, instead of 'people waste a lot of their time because the traffic on the roads,' it should be rephrased to 'people waste a lot of their time due to traffic congestion on the roads.'
coherence and cohesion
Try to have clearer transitions between ideas, such as using linking words to connect your thoughts more logically. For instance, in between paragraphs, you might use phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'Moreover.'
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. While you mention New Zealand as an example, it would be beneficial to elaborate on how the implemented taxes and transportation improvements directly influenced traffic reduction.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic by discussing both the causes of traffic congestion and potential solutions, which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives a clear overview of what the essay will discuss, setting a good tone for the subsequent paragraphs, which is positive for coherence.
task achievement
The use of statistical or anecdotal evidence, like the reference to China and New Zealand, adds credibility to your arguments and makes them more relatable, showing good idea support.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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