IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Housing shortage in big cities can cause severe social consequences. Some people think only government action can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is true that the lack of housing in megacities might affect the life of society in different ways.
While
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 I understand that governmental programmes are powerful tools to tackle
this
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 issue, I think that there is a different approach to implement
this
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. In the modern world, citizens, quite often, face the problem of limited number of houses they might reside in.
This
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 situation leads to several consequences, first being related to extremely high rent
people
Use synonyms
 have to pay. Take New York,
for example
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, where inhabitants have to allocate half of their salary for
this
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 purpose.
As a result
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, they cannot afford many other essential things,
such
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 as travelling or doing their hobbies.
In addition
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,
people
Use synonyms
 have tospend hours commuting to work as there are no housing available near their workplaces, which might be tiring and deprive them of the time that could have been spent with their nearest and dearest. To adress
this
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 problem, local authorities should launch the programme directed to support countriside. By doing so, they will attract
people
Use synonyms
 to move to
this
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 areas, providing them with new employment opportunities. In
this
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 way, the local economy can be developed, increasing the level of well-being of local population.
Therefore
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, they will move to villages.
However
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, I consider that businesses are part and parcel of solving the housing problem which can provide successful lives outside urban areas.
This
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 is because a variety of new enterprices can start their existance in new deprived areas, making
people
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 move from cities, which, in turn, can reduce the need for living in these regions.
For instance
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, one plant opened in countriside, can provide employees with thousands of new positions. If
this
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 strategy is implemented, cities will become less populated.
Hence
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,
this
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 way cannot be neglected. In conclusion,
although
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 I accept that governments are an effective tool for solving the issue, I take the view that businessmen are able to contribute a lot to eliminate it.

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task achievement
Your introduction could benefit from restating the thesis more clearly. State your position on the issue directly, e.g., whether you mostly agree, disagree, or have a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using clearer linking words or phrases to improve the flow between points, such as 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', or 'On the other hand.' This will help your ideas connect more smoothly.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the question. In your essay, while you mention the role of the government, you could emphasize how effective government action would interact with business solutions more explicitly.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples, especially in your second main point, to better illustrate your arguments and make them more compelling. For instance, mention a specific company or initiative that has been successful in rural development.
content
Your essay covers relevant social consequences of housing shortages and provides a clear discussion of government and business roles, which aligns well with the task requirements.
content
You share personal insights and examples that enhance your argument, such as the example of New York, which adds depth to your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • affordable housing
  • urban planning
  • policies
  • funding
  • private sector
  • community organizations
  • public-private partnerships
  • innovative solutions
  • market demands
  • financially viable
  • socioeconomic factors
  • income inequality
  • migration
  • urbanization
  • concerted efforts
What to do next:
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