IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree ?

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Music and
art
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 seem to be less valued than researchers
as well as
Linking Words
 technology experts/ or those who have experience/are experienced in technology. In
this
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 essay, I am going to provide the reasons, why I agree that the scientific field is more prioritized by the modern generation than the entertainment industry. The first reason why I agree with
this
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 statement
,
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apply
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 is that
Science
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 is an essential feature in one’s daily life, as the community copes with the usage of artificial intelligence that helps to resolve daily tasks, making one’s life easier.
For example
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, the Institute of Smart Systems and Artificial Intelligence (ISSAI) at Nazarbayev University in Kazakhstan, which was founded in 2019, currently provides a good method/way to develop cultural identity.
In other words
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, the scientific field is the most significant sector in Kazakh’s culture. The second reason why
art
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 is not as equally treated as analytical sectors by contemporary society layers
,
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 is that since creativity is deeply influenced by feelings and emotions, it has become difficult to measure its subjectivity.
For instance
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, “noi ci siamo”, a non-profit organization of cultural events in Orvieto
in
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Italy, struggles to get funds to pay the rent of the local theatre where the performance should take place since
art
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 is not considered to be objective or guided by data as
Science
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.
That is
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 why most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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leisure activities
such
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 as dance, singing or drama are discriminated
.
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against.
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 Summing it all up, cultural activities are less valued than
Science
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due to
Linking Words
 the fact that the
last
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 one mentioned plays a remarkable role in our lives
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
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art
Use synonyms
 is considered to be not as objective as
science
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and rephrase it in the conclusion to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Consider providing a clearer rationale for your arguments and linking them directly back to the question to improve task response.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly and enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly supports your argument, and avoid generalizations that may weaken your points.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction that outlines your position on the topic and sets the stage for your argument.
task achievement
The examples you provided, such as the ISSAI and the non-profit organization, are relevant and help illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • valued
  • modern society
  • scientists
  • technology experts
  • musicians
  • artists
  • reliance
  • scientific advancements
  • practical benefits
  • driving economic growth
  • daily lives
  • culture
  • human emotions
  • express ideas
  • provoke thought
  • spiritual well-being
  • emotional well-being
  • preserving cultural heritage
  • subjective nature
  • diversity
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