IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, Individuals do their duties in strenuous exertion
for succeeding
Change preposition
to succeed
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Repponent think imitation to copy is the opposite of being creative. I consider that staff
also
Linking Words
 students must be innovative
besides
Linking Words
 doing some new ideas. In our daily lives, the Majority of
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
also
Linking Words
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 work and learn
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 their experiment, for neither being failling nor lose their race
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 competition.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if they evaluate themselves, they will reach a higher promotion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or have outstanding scores. A prominent example about a worker in industry. If his job was elaborated.
Moreover
Linking Words
, It has been
repeatedly
Replace the word
repeated
show examples
. The administration prefers that person
Linking Words
besides
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will have a higher position in the
smoothly
Change the adverb
smooth
show examples
 process.
That is
Linking Words
 why they are looking for a skillful worker
that they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 can enhance all
what
Change the word
that
show examples
 they give
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 him.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, It shows them his amazing experience rapidly.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 contrary, A scholar and
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 when
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
copied their duties as same as before, They
will not give nothing
Rewrite the sentence
will not give anything
will give nothing
show examples
 in a whole daily life.
For instance
Linking Words
, If a scholar copy his dissertation just for discuss with his juries and get a diploma degree. It will not have any new innovation or something that can be given to the researcher in the
futur
Correct your spelling
future
.
This
Linking Words
 plethora can be a
reprecussion
Correct your spelling
repercussion
 effect next decade without any novelty. In conclusion, I believe all
off
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals must
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
serve some ideas that were not before and be creative by avoiding the copyright
some
Change preposition
of some
show examples
 sorts of things,
Also
Linking Words
 be familiar with the competition to introduce a lot of innovation data.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, new knowledge.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction is somewhat unclear and lacks a clear thesis statement. Consider stating your position more explicitly at the end of your introduction.
coherence cohesion
Avoid grammatical inaccuracies and word choice issues for better clarity. For example, 'Repponent think imitation to copy is the opposite of being creative' can be rephrased for better understanding.
coherence cohesion
Conclusions should summarize your main arguments effectively. Make sure to reiterate your opinion clearly in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You have made an effort to discuss both views before presenting your opinion, which is a good practice in IELTS essays.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: