IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that is is the responsibility of people to take care about the environment. Others say it is the government that should take care of the environment. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

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Many
people
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 argue that the tasks of the
environment
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 are connected to the government
while
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 others believe that
people
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 should consider taking on the
environment
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion.
Firstly
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, I will explore why authorized personnel can make rules to save our
environment
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 and how it is implemented of the rules about
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environment
Add an article
the environment
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, and
secondly
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, I will examine requires that individuals play a vital role in tackling
this
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 issue. On the one hand, maintaining a healthy
environment
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 depends on governments to promote by raising awareness and performing some rules. One effective approach is to encourage habits from an early age, particularly in schools,
as
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by
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 giving educational content and enhancing cognitive abilities. Children
is
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are
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 easier than changing behaviours in adults.
Additionally
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, some deterrent laws provided by governments can prevent pollution, taking on the
environment
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. Since there are many poor
people
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, they can not easily pay punishments all over the world. It can be useful.
For example
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, throwing trash on the ground of a road carries a heavy punishment in Turkey, including 5 dollars if it is not applied.
On the other hand
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, when it comes to
responsibility
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the responsibility
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 of
people
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 to address
this
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 issue, citizens should take some actions in order to protect their
environment
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.
Due to
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 the increasing use of cars recently, the public definitely thinks that they use public transport for travelling, decreasing air pollution.
In addition
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,
people
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 engaged
nature
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in nature
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 may seed plants for their own cities. Diminishing cars on the street and growing up, trees increase air quality.
Consequently
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,
people
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 enjoy and feel their lives because they spend much more time with their families or friends in fresh gardens, parks or forests. In conclusion, irrespective of
people
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 and government, we humans need to thank the
environment
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 and enrich it.
People
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 need to feel the importance and benefits we get from them.
Hence
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, I personally believe that our primary duty to the
environment
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 is
by
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apply
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caring and protecting. Activities like afforestation, less using cars, and making some laws should be encouraged.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly articulate your main points and ensure that each paragraph supports the overall argument. Avoid vague phrases like 'some rules' and be specific about the actions or regulations you’re discussing.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your essay by using clearer linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. For example, instead of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand,' consider using transitions like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' to better guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing ideas for clarity and grammatical accuracy. For example, 'Children is easier than changing behaviours in adults' should be changed to 'It is easier to influence children’s behaviors than to change those of adults.'
task achievement
You addressed the prompt by discussing both perspectives, which is essential for a balanced view.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance on the issue, reinforcing your main argument.
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