IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people are afraid to go out for fear of being robbed on the streets. Still, there are robberies that happen I side houses. What do u think is the best things a person can do to ensure his/her own security? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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Many people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that staying at the house will save them from getting robbed.
However
Linking Words
,
littile
Correct your spelling
little
 do they know that
reobery
Correct your spelling
recovery
robbery
 can happen even if you are inside the house.In my opinion, being cautious, and not wearing expensive
jewlery
Correct your spelling
jewellery
 can prevent you from
robery
Correct your spelling
robbery
. Do not go outside when the time is passed 12am. Why is that ?
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 proportion of
thives
Correct your spelling
thieves
 go outside
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 midnight when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people go rarely outside and many shops
closed
Add a missing verb
are closed
show examples
, and where nobody is outside. It is widely known that robbery happens mostly at
night
Use synonyms
 when people
sleeps
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sleep
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, Back in time,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
very
Add an article
the very
a very
show examples
 dark
night
Use synonyms
, after 12am , a
thife
Correct your spelling
thief
 broke inside my house and stole most of my expensive
possessives
Correct your spelling
possessions
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, wearing brands
jewlery
Correct your spelling
jewellery
 or clothes makes you the perfect victim .
Thives
Correct your spelling
Thieves
 will target you thinking that you will have a lot of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money and they can steal
a valuable things
Correct the article-noun agreement
valuable things
a valuable thing
show examples
 from you that they can take
adavantage
Correct your spelling
advantage
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of my relatives used to go to London very often.
Last
Linking Words
 August, She went to London wearing an expensive watch and clothes. She got stolen that
night
Use synonyms
.
thives
Correct your spelling
thieves
 took her watch and all the things she wore that looked valuable.
To conclude
Linking Words
, wearing
sheap
Correct your spelling
cheap
sheep
 things and not going outside at
night
Use synonyms
 may actually save you from getting robbed,
however
Linking Words
,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 even if you do that ,
robbery
Add an article
the robbery
show examples
 will happen anyway. Whatever it is distent to happen it will be done anyway no matter how
catious
Correct your spelling
cautious
 you
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
. But taking
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
advises
Replace the word
advice
show examples
 into account will at least decrease the
properity
Correct your spelling
property
prosperity
 of you getting stolen.

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Task Achievement
Work on sentence structure and grammar, as there are several minor errors that disrupt the flow of the essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and punctuation to enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your main points and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments. This will help create a stronger overall structure.
Task Achievement
Provide a more varied vocabulary and more precise language to express your ideas. This will improve your essay's impact and make your arguments more compelling.
Task Achievement
You have presented several relevant points regarding personal safety and given examples from your life and that of your relative, which supports your arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Security systems: A set of integrated devices and software designed to protect against intrusions.
  • 2. Surveillance: Continuous observation of a place or person to gather information, often for security purposes.
  • 3. Reinforce: To strengthen or support, especially with additional materials.
  • 4. Vigilant: Keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties.
  • 5. Deadbolt locks: A type of lock that is much stronger and provides greater security than a regular spring lock.
  • 6. Neighborhood watch: A community-based program where residents collaborate to monitor and report suspicious activities.
  • 7. Cautious behavior: Actions taken to avoid potential dangers or risks.
  • 8. Self-defense: The act of defending oneself from physical harm.
  • 9. Community initiatives: Efforts organized by a group of people living in the same area to improve their common welfare.
  • 10. Deterrence: The action of discouraging an action or event through instilling doubt or fear of the consequences.
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