IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that technological advances in healthcare have made medical treatment more accessible to people living in remote areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In recent years, technological innovations have revolutionized
healthcare
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 delivery, and I strongly agree that these advances have significantly improved medical access for remote populations.
This
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 transformation has been particularly evident through telemedicine and mobile
health
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 applications. Foremost,
impact
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the impact
show examples
 of telemedicine on rural
healthcare
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 has been transformative. Remote consultations via video conferencing enable rural patients to connect with specialists hundreds of miles away, eliminating the need for lengthy travel.
For instance
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, in rural India, telemedicine platforms have allowed villagers to consult with metropolitan doctors, receiving expert diagnoses and treatment plans without leaving their communities.
Furthermore
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, mobile
health
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 technologies have revolutionized preventive care and monitoring. Wearable devices and
health
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 apps now enable continuous tracking of vital signs and early detection of
health
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 issues,
while
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 AI-powered diagnostic tools help local
healthcare
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 workers make more accurate assessments. These innovations have proven particularly valuable in remote areas of Africa, where mobile clinics equipped with portable diagnostic devices can serve multiple villages effectively.
However
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, these technological solutions face certain challenges. Infrastructure limitations, including unreliable internet connectivity and power supply in remote areas, can hinder the effectiveness of digital
health
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 solutions.
Additionally
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, the initial cost of implementing these technologies and training
healthcare
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 workers to use them can be substantial. Despite these challenges, I firmly believe that technological advances have dramatically improved
healthcare
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 accessibility in remote areas. The benefits far outweigh the limitations, and as technology continues to evolve, these solutions will become increasingly effective and accessible.

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coherence and cohesion
While your points are clear, you can enhance the logical flow by using more varied linking phrases between paragraphs and within sentences. For instance, using transition words can strengthen the connections between your ideas.
task achievement
Make sure to explicitly acknowledge the counterarguments in your essay. You partially addressed the challenges but consider discussing more specific limitations in a separate paragraph to balance your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Your introduction succinctly presents your stance and outlines the main ideas, which sets a clear direction for your essay. This effectively engages the reader.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, like telemedicine in rural India and mobile clinics in Africa, strengthens your points and demonstrates real-world applicability, which enhances the overall quality of your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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