IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

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Nowadays, parents have a problem about whether they should allow their
children
Use synonyms
 to
decide
Verb problem
make
show examples
 their own choices on daily matters. Some people
thick
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 that will cause
children
Use synonyms
only
Fix the infinitive
to only
show examples
 think about their own wishes but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other believe that it's
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
 for kids to make their
concerning
Correct word choice
own
show examples
 decisions. My
opnions
Correct your spelling
opinions
 are as
fellows
Correct your spelling
follows
show examples
. First of all, I don't agree that once
children
Use synonyms
 make their daily choice would make them become the person who only
care
Change the verb form
cares
show examples
 about themselves. I think that
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 decisions on their own can help them grow up as a better
indivisual
Correct your spelling
individuals
. When I was a kid, I always
ask
Wrong verb form
asked
show examples
 my mother for help to choose what to eat, so I don't have my favourite food now, I always lose my mind when I need to make a decision, so I think
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
dicisions
Correct your spelling
decisions
 by
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
myself
show examples
 will benefit them a lot. When it comes to the second problem, I agree that it's necessary for them to make their
relative
Correct word choice
own
show examples
 decisions. It will help them form their independent thought, and strengthen their ability
of choosing
Replace the preposition
to choose
show examples
 everything. As an adult, independence is one of the most important things that we should possess, so if we can cultivate it from childhood, we will have a good command of it. I suggest that parents should always encourage their
children
Use synonyms
 to make their own choices, they will become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
independent
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 when they growing up.

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Language
Make sure to proofread your essay for typos and spelling errors, such as "thick" instead of "think" and "improtant" instead of "important."
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are presented in a clear and logical order. For instance, consider using clearer transitions to connect your points.
Task Achievement
Expand on your points with more specific examples to illustrate your ideas more effectively.
Task Achievement
You have a clear position on the topic, which is an important aspect of writing for IELTS.
Task Achievement
Your ideas on the importance of independence for children are relevant and significant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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