IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is no longer necessary that animals should be slaughtered and made into either human foodstuffs or non-foodstuffs, such as fur and medicine. Do you agree or disagree?

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In today's time, it is seen that
protection
Correct article usage
the protection
show examples
 of animal
rights
Use synonyms
 and animal safety is prevailing in our society. It is stated that there is no need to slaughter
animals
Use synonyms
 for various benefits of
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 race
such
Linking Words
 as to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their nutritional requirements , for scientific experiments and so on. I completely agree with the
above given
Add a hyphen
above-given
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 statement and support animal
rights
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the mideval
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mideval
Correct your spelling
medieval
 ages people
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to live in jungles and
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to hunt
animals
Use synonyms
 for their dietary needs,
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
make clothes and
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 to commute . Later on, with the advancement people started using motor vehicles which stopped
exploitation
Correct article usage
the exploitation
show examples
 of various
animals
Use synonyms
 being used as
mode
Add an article
a mode
show examples
 of transportation. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, earlier donkeys, horses, camels etc were used to travel from one place to another but with the advancement, today bikes, cars, buses, trains etc are used as means of transport.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, homo sapiens being a carnivorous species
also
Linking Words
 use
animals
Use synonyms
 in their meal to meet their daily protein requirements.
However
Linking Words
, with the increase in awareness of animal
rights
Use synonyms
 people are more inclined towards
vegan
Correct article usage
a vegan
show examples
 diet and are following it. In
this
Linking Words
diet
Add a comma
diet,
show examples
 necessary nutrients are derived from plants.
Moreover
Linking Words
, earlier
animals
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as rats, rabbits, cats and many
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 were used in scientific
as well as
Linking Words
 psychological experiments. But nowadays
this
Linking Words
 trend has
also
Linking Words
 decreased.
For example
Linking Words
, artificial intelligence is being used by scientists to analyse
results
Correct article usage
the results
show examples
 of their work.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there are many organisations
such
Linking Words
 as PETA, working for animal
rights
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 completely agree that advances made in science and technology
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 protected
animals
Use synonyms
 from being slaughtered by humans.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
,
animals
Use synonyms
 should have full "right to their survival".

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas in each paragraph to provide a clearer argument. For example, explain why vegan diets are healthier or more sustainable.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between points to improve the flow of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for small grammatical errors (e.g., 'mideval' should be 'medieval' and 'use to' should be 'used to').
task achievement
Your essay has a good introduction that outlines your position clearly.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples supporting your argument, such as the use of technology to reduce animal testing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • slaughter
  • human foodstuffs
  • non-foodstuffs
  • fur
  • medicine
  • alternative protein sources
  • plant-based
  • lab-grown meat
  • ethical considerations
  • animal rights
  • welfare
  • cruelty-free
  • environmental impact
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • deforestation
  • synthetic materials
  • plant-derived alternatives
  • fashion industry
  • cosmetics industry
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