IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is sometimes possible to pay somebody to do things you don’t want to do, or don’t have time to do, for example, household chores or looking after children. Is this a good way of providing work for others? Should people do these things themselves? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays it is becoming more difficult to find the necessary
time
Use synonyms
 to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
home work
Correct your spelling
homework
show examples
. Even tasks as simple as cleaning the house and cooking the dinner or as important as childcare, are being delegated to third parties
such
Linking Words
 as nannies or private companies. Some people could say it is helpful to have someone who
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
 at
home
Use synonyms
. Not only because we usually do not have
time
Use synonyms
 to do it, but because we can promote jobs for other people.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 I strongly believe that we should spend
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 hours at the office and much more hours at
home
Use synonyms
.
Doing
Change preposition
By doing
show examples
 that we should be able to carry on all the duties we
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to have in the houses. I think there
certain
Add a missing verb
are certain
show examples
 activities we should not pass
to
Change preposition
on to
show examples
 others.
For instance
Linking Words
, taking care of our children.
This
Linking Words
 is something that we, as parents, should do for ourselves. No one else could provide the kids
all
Change preposition
with all
show examples
 the love, understanding and friendship that a mother or father
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 to them. I remember that when I was a child, my mother quit her job and she dedicated all her
time
Use synonyms
 and effort to look after my brothers and
I
Correct pronoun usage
me
show examples
. Now, I realized that it was an invaluable
time
Use synonyms
 impossible to have with somebody else different from our own mother. Summarizing, even though some people found useful to have others helping
us
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 duties at
home
Use synonyms
, I think we should do it for ourselves because it provides valuable
time
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we should work less and spend more
time
Use synonyms
 sharing with our families. No matter if it is household chores or looking after children.

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coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be restructured for clarity. For example, 'Even tasks as simple as cleaning the house and cooking the dinner or as important as childcare, are being delegated to third parties...' could be simplified to improve readability.
task achievement
While you provided personal experience to support your argument, including more specific examples or statistics could strengthen your position regarding the advantages of doing these tasks yourself.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The use of personal experience makes your argument relatable and engaging for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment opportunities
  • specialization
  • productivity
  • work-life balance
  • economic benefits
  • independent contractors
  • life skills
  • self-sufficiency
  • financial expense
  • job creation
  • delegate tasks
  • time management
  • personal well-being
  • stress alleviation
  • household chores
  • flexible work
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