IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some
individuals
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 think that we have
plenty
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 of
choices
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 these
days
Use synonyms
.
Althogh
Correct your spelling
Although
,the
rules
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 have limited
people
Use synonyms
's
choices
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 , I would strongly argue that we have numerous
choices
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 in other aspects of our life. On the one hand,one of the compelling reasons that some
people
Use synonyms
 think that we
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 more autonomy in terms of our
choices
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 compared to the old
days
Use synonyms
 is law.
similarly
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, because of the
rules
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people
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 have lost their
free-will
Correct your spelling
free will
show examples
with choosing
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to choose
show examples
 what they really want in the new
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
.
However
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, In the old
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days
Add a comma
days,
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individuals
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 could do anything they wanted because
rules
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 did not exist .
For instance
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,
people
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 could participate in war or fight with others to gain their lost rights.
In contrast
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, residents have to defend their rights just through courts and law. So, they do not have other choice, because other
choices
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 come with harsh punishments.
On the other hand
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, some other
individuals
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 think that we have
plenty
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 of
choices
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due to
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 the recent improvements. Residents in all nations always think about their comfort in life. So, during these years, they have innovated
plenty
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 of things
for doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
 their work more easily.
This
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 trend
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has given civilization
plenty
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 of
choices
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 for what they really want to do.
For example
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,
due to
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 the recent technological improvements, we have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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numerous
choices
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 in terms of our
labors
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labours
show examples
.
Therefore
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, some
people
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 can work
in
Change preposition
at
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 home
remotley
Correct your spelling
remotely
while
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 others can choose to work in their office
ouside
Correct your spelling
outside
 of their house.
Likewise
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,
due to
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this
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 technological
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
,
people
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 have more
choices
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 when they want to choose their future job compared to before. because new jobs like
:
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apply
show examples
 website design, programming ,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
 etc.. have been created over the past few years. In conclusion, some civilized
individuals
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 think that for
now
Add a comma
now,
show examples
 our
choices
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 are more than before.
However
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,
rules
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 have put some restrictions
for
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on
show examples
 our
choices
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 in these years, In my
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, in terms of other aspects
our
Change preposition
of our
show examples
 life,
choices
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 are myriad compared to the old
days
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and includes a clear thesis statement. This will help clarify your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use appropriate transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. For example, use phrases like 'On the other hand' consistently.
task achievement
Provide more development and explanation for your examples. For example, elaborate on how technological improvements directly relate to the choices people have today.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of grammar and spelling, which can distract from your ideas. Proofreading your essay can help catch these minor mistakes.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument regarding the number of choices available today, with a well-defined contrasting viewpoint.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples that align with your points, which adds credibility to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
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