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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some toddlers are using mobile phones for hours each day. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

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Many
toddlers
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use
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phones
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 for an extended period of
time
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 on a daily basis.
This
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 is because
parents
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 nowadays want to keep their
toddlers
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 entertained, and
this
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 could be a positive thing because
toddlers
Use synonyms
 can
use
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 it to access educational apps.
Parents
Use synonyms
use
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phones
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 to entertain their
toddlers
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.
This
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 is because
parents
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 can’t find the
time
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 to finish their tasks because they are consumed with looking after their
toddlers
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.
That is
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 why they give them mobile
phones
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 to keep them occupied so that they can finish whatever it is that they need to do, without being distracted by their child. Many
parents
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 need to cook meals for their families which requires
time
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 and attention, and
that is
Linking Words
 why they give
phones
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 to their
toddlers
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 to keep them occupied so they can finish up without interruptions or distractions. There are a lot of learning opportunities on the internet that can help
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toddlers
Change noun form
toddlers'
toddler's
show examples
 cognitive development.
This
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 can be positive because,
while
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 the child is occupied, he or she is
also
Linking Words
 learning something that interests them and helps in their development,
for
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example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 they can access
to
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apply
show examples
educational apps which have lessons and topics directed towards
toddlers
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 learning and
toddlers
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 can
use
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this
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 to learn objects or
colors
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colours
show examples
 or different types of foods and much more,
hence
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 the
time
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 they are looking at the phone is not wasted. In conclusion,
parents
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 nowadays prefer giving mobile
phones
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 to their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 to keep them occupied, and it can be a good thing because it can
also
Linking Words
 help the child’s development positively through learning and educating themselves.

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide more examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on paragraph transitions to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure clarity by redefining complex sentences and eliminating redundancy.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion.
task achievement
Some examples of educational apps used by toddlers are mentioned, which provide relevant context.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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