IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, In many countries around the world countryside population is decreasing because they are shifting to urban
areas
Use synonyms
, to improve their lifestyle. In my opinion, it is a negative development ,
this
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 essay will discuss the reasons. One of the major drawbacks in
such
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 a case is,
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
cities
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 will be flooded with
people
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, which leads to pollution and
traffic
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 congestion.
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 are shifting to urban
areas
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 for a better lifestyle, the population in
cities
Use synonyms
 will dramatically increase, which will cause the use of more vehicles. which results in more road
traffic
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 and higher carbon
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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, which pollutes the air in the urban
areas
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.
For instance
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, Many
people
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 are moving to metropolitan
cities
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 like Banglore and
hyderabad
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Hyderabad
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, for better job opportunities,
due to
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 which the
traffic
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 and pollution are drastically increasing in
this
Linking Words
 metropolis.
In addition
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, Rural
people
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 will struggle to adapt to the fast-paced urban lifestyle because they spend most of their time in the countryside.
Moreover
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,
such
Linking Words
 a case will result in a scarcity of farm products.
while
Linking Words
 the population is shifting to
cities
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 are choosing to do corporate jobs, which leaves nobody to do farming in the countryside.
Due to
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this
Linking Words
 productivity will decline and cause a shortage of farm products in the market.
For example
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,
As
Correct word choice
apply
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most of the Japanese
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 livelihood depends on corporate jobs,
due to
Linking Words
 which they will always import farm products from other countries. In conclusion, Rural
people
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 all over the world shifting to developed
areas
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 will result in
overpopulationpopulation
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
, which leads to pollution and
traffic
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 congestion.

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay has a more structured introduction with a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by using clearer linking words and phrases to connect your ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific and relevant examples that are elaborate and clearly relate to your main arguments, enhancing the depth of your analysis.
content
You have identified important issues related to urban migration, such as pollution and traffic congestion, which are relevant and significant.
content
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic, indicating that you believe the rural to urban shift is a negative development.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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