IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Tourism has become one of the fastest growing industries in the world. Million people today are travelling farther and farther throughout the year. Some people argue that the development of tourism has had negative effects on local communities, other think that its influences are positive. write an essay to discuss the effects of tourism on local communities including the reasons.

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Nowadays, developing technology is increasing globally
people
Use synonyms
 want to travel more and more to enjoy every bit of their life, but some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the rapid development of tourists
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a negative impact on their cities for various reasons. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss both arguments followed by my opinion.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I will discuss the positive impacts of tourists,
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 locals are more
beneficials
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 as
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 spend money on their food, accommodations, and public transport as they want to know about their particular culture and traditions they even buy products which enrich values.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Government can develop their states by the volume spent by
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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 which
also
Linking Words
 helps to boost their economy
as a result
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who visit get every moment of a happy life rather than having a stressful daily routine culture.
For example
Linking Words
, Bali
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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was developed by the money spent by visitors where locals got the opportunity to develop their businesses and families.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some argue that it creates a negative impact on their places
such
Linking Words
 as climate change, pollution, and lack of
cleaningness
Correct your spelling
cleanliness
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, to describe
due to
Linking Words
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
, and locals feel non-local
while
Linking Words
 using public transport and shopping malls as these places are so crowded that one feels awkward.
For example
Linking Words
, recently Kumbmela in India experienced a huge crowd where the government couldn't control
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 restrictions and many lost their lives too. another example is the beach in Bangkok experienced skin diseases
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
from people
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 who were swimming there.
To conclude
Linking Words
, as tourists are significant to countries for their GDP where everyone wants to be valued there should be some restrictions on
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 conditions so either person can be benefited.

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Task Achievement
The introduction is clear but could benefit from a more explicit thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss in more detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to create clearer paragraphs with distinct topic sentences and concluding sentences. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to reinforce your points and demonstrate the effects of tourism more clearly. For instance, explaining more about how Bali specifically benefited could strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which is a strong aspect of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your use of examples gives a real-world context to your arguments, which adds credibility to your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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