IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefilt teenagers and community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,youngsters are always diving into the mobile phone that made them so addicted.That not even communicating with
others
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.where
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
others
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 believe,they should do some community
work
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 during their free time
thus
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,
increases
Wrong verb form
thus increasing
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 their potential skills.In my opinion,
i
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I
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 totally agree with
this
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 statement.upon sitting idle it is best to get social interaction.
Firstly
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,young
people
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 are lazy and not pushing beyond their limits.
for
Capitalize word
For
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 that, teenagers can interact in social
work
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 like doing free services for the
people
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.
For instance
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, distributing free food to homeless families.
Moreover
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, helping
others
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 with their
work
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such
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 as fostering aged
people
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 or taking them outside.
furthermore
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, these kinds of activities can be mentioned in their resume which will be an added advantage for them.
On the other hand
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, these types of participation enlighten them by improving skills like
,
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apply
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 leadership,communication, teamwork and so on. Mostly,engaging with other
people
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 will get some connections too.
Additionally
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,it is easier for them, to get enrolled in the universities and
also
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 with the
work
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 culture.
For example
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, a month ago there was an online article in Hindu News, that many young students are signing in for community services have a clear view of understanding choosing their career path. To commence with,individuals are fond of teenagers getting experience with the community culture during their free time because of more involvement in social media.
Conversely
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,
this
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 will be beneficial in their future.
Thus
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, going out with
others
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 distributing meals and taking care of elderly
people
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 not only increases their skills but
also
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 helps them learn the social culture and choose their future goals.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more clearly by starting each one with a topic sentence. This helps in guiding the reader through your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and closely tied together. The introduction should outline the main points you will discuss, and the conclusion should summarize those points effectively.
lexical resource
Use more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. Avoid repetition and try to incorporate synonyms to improve the richness of your language.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples that support your claims, such as distributing food to the homeless, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
Your essay conveys a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unpaid community work
  • life skills
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • leadership
  • responsibility
  • empathy
  • giving back to society
  • resume
  • university applications
  • social issues
  • career paths
  • practical experience
  • personal development
  • community ties
  • cohesive environment
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