IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What are the reasons for this? What problems can this cause?

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In the present
time
Use synonyms
, guardians have less
time
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 to spend with their
children
Use synonyms
 as they have to
work
Use synonyms
 more to meet daily needs. High inflation and nuclear families are some of the factors that contribute to
this
Linking Words
 development.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
generation
Add an article
the generation
show examples
 gap and parental love
has
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have
show examples
 decreased among juveniles.
Te
Correct your spelling
To
show examples
 begin with,
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
 of every price is soaring and it is very hard for normal living people to meet both ends and run their families. Financial education is lacking among parents which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in bad situations and
force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
show examples
 individuals to
work
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 rather than spend
time
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 at home.
For example
Linking Words
, people at the moment, start spending
at
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on
show examples
unsual
Correct your spelling
unusual
 things which are not required and later on, they find out that they are out of money and run for
work
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the formation of only
few
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a few
show examples
 members in each family is
also
Linking Words
 a major problem that makes
situation
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the situation
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 critical to
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 a house or
manage
Wrong verb form
managing
show examples
 their finances. To look at the causes of
this
Linking Words
 trend,
due to
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 less
time
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 for
youngones
Correct your spelling
young ones
, they are often offered technological gadgets which broaden the gap between
children
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 and their parents.
This
Linking Words
neglegence
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negligence
, makes
children
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 wear glasses
at
Change preposition
in
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early
Correct article usage
the early
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 years of life.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
, teens are becoming
unresponsible
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irresponsible
show examples
 and careless towards their elder generation and lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
communication skills which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in lowering their family name when they misbehave with their regular habits.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 cost of living and
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
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 of nuclear families are the main consequences behind both parents
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
spend more of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
time
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 at
work
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 than at home.
This
Linking Words
 trend has created
children
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 with
disrespectfull
Correct your spelling
disrespectful
 behaviour and they have lost to care for their older generation.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be more engaging and include a clear thesis statement that outlines the two main points you will discuss in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly connect your ideas. For instance, use linking phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
In your body paragraphs, ensure that each main point is clearly supported with relevant examples and explanation. For instance, the impact of technology could be expanded upon.
coherence and cohesion
Check for minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'thier' instead of 'their' and 'neglegence' instead of 'negligence.' These can distract from the clarity of your argument.
content
You have identified important causes for the reduced time parents spend with their children, such as economic factors and family structure.
content
The recognition of the effects on children’s behavior, like disrespect towards elders, is insightful and relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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