IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

some people think that exercise is the key to Good health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both side and give your opinions

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These two
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
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 of people are right
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their aspects, both
exercise
Use synonyms
 and
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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diet
Use synonyms
 have equal importance for good health. As we can understand without nutritious food we can not get enough energy to do
exercise
Use synonyms
. And without
Use synonyms
exercise
Add a comma
exercise,
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 we can not maintain our healthy weight .
Firstly
Linking Words
 I want to share my point of view regarding
exercise
Use synonyms
 importance .
Exercise
Use synonyms
 is
group
Add an article
a group
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 of activities that we usually do to maintain our weight and physique like Cycling, Running, Swimming, Cardio etc.
Exercise
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 makes us energetic
througout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the day .
Exercise
Use synonyms
 helps to deal with extra fat in
body
Add an article
the body
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 .It gives us
desired
Correct article usage
the desired
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 body shape that
boost
Change the verb form
boosts
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 our confidence . It makes our
heart
Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
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 healthy and
prevent
Change the verb form
prevents
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 diseases like hypertension,
diabetes
Correct word choice
and diabetes
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
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I am going to give my opinion about
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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diet
Use synonyms
.
Healthy
Add an article
A healthy
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diet
Use synonyms
 is defined as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food that
contain
Change the verb form
contains
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 all the macro and
micro nutrients
Correct your spelling
micronutrients
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. It helps to prevent fatty liver, hypertension , diabetes ,
obesity
Correct word choice
and obesity
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. It
provide
Change the verb form
provides
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 us energy to do daily living tasks. It
also
Linking Words
boost
Change the verb form
boosts
show examples
 our immunity .
Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
 Keto
diet
Use synonyms
 is very famous that
helps
Wrong verb form
helping
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 to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weight. At
Linking Words
last
Add a comma
last,
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 I can only
tell
Verb problem
say
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 that
according to
Linking Words
 me
exercise
Use synonyms
 and
diet
Use synonyms
 play
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 good health

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coherence and cohesion
It's important to have a clear introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. Consider outlining both sides in the introduction before presenting them in detail. This will help set the stage for your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that relates to your main argument. This helps create a logical flow and makes it easier for the reader to follow your ideas.
task achievement
When providing examples or discussing points, try to elaborate more on how they contribute to health. This could include specific benefits or statistics associated with exercise and diet.
task achievement
It would be beneficial to provide a more rounded conclusion that summarizes your discussion and restates your opinion more strongly. This reinforces your point of view to the reader.
task achievement
You have made an effort to discuss both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Your writing includes relevant examples of exercises and diet types, which helps illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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