IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy. The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages. Do you agree or disagree?

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After
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Since
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 the introduction of nuclear weapons in the World War Two time period, nuclear technologies have been studied and developed throughout the years.
Additionally
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, a controversy exists
amongst
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among
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 citizens
whether
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about whether
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 the growth of nuclear materials would be constructive or destructive.
This
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 essay will elaborate
onto
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on
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 both
boons
Correct article usage
the boons
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 and banes of nuclear technology and my own perspective in which the merits of
this
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 invention could not outweigh its drawbacks.
Initially
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, nuclear weapons were invented mainly to protect countries against the opposing forces. The hazards of these arms are obvious,
for example
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, the nuclear bombs
in
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that
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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the US
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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sent to Hiroshima and Nagasaki in Japan:
they
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apply
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destroyed these two cities severely, creating a damaging impact on the Japanese government.
Therefore
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, the dangerous effects of nuclear weapons could be one of the major factors to preserve the world’s peace and
could
Verb problem
apply
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prevent World War Three. Despite the benefits of
this
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 source of
power
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, the effects
in
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apply
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which nuclear
power
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 plants
do
Verb problem
have
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to
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on
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 individuals still remain arguable. Nuclear
power
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 factories could dispose of numerous amounts of waste into surrounding aquatic habitats
such
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 as rivers or lakes, causing water pollution and destroying the ecosystem.
Moreover
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, the
Chernobyl
Correct the spelling
Chornobyl
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 incident is a valid example of how destructive nuclear materials are: after the explosion of a nuclear
power
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 plant, the debris and ashes covered most atmosphere of the town and caused both physical and mental issues for humans,
as well as
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 the buildings and residents destroyed. In conclusion, the terrifying
power
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 of nuclear technologies could be highly detrimental
for
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to
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this
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 world. Before becoming one of the clean energy sources, nuclear inventions had damaged both nature and mankind, the effects could not be reversed and it still horrifies some individuals until the present time.

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task achievement
The argument about the coexistence of nuclear weapons and world peace is introduced well but can be strengthened with clearer connections. Make sure each paragraph directly supports your thesis and clearly outlines your stance throughout.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words further to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs. For instance, you could transition more smoothly from the benefits of nuclear weapons to the downsides of nuclear energy.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and facts about the benefits of nuclear energy, as this would provide a more balanced view and strengthen your overall argument. Consider statistics or specific advancements in clean energy.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion reiterates your viewpoint, but consider summarizing key points from the body paragraphs to bolster the argument. This will reinforce your position and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, clearly stating the topic and your perspective.
task achievement
The Chernobyl incident you mentioned serves as a strong example of the risks, adding depth to your argument against nuclear power. Well done!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Deterrence
  • Mutually assured destruction
  • Greenhouse gases
  • Cost-effective
  • Radiation therapy
  • Proliferation
  • Rogue states
  • Radioactive waste disposal
  • Catastrophic accidents
  • Climate change
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