IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that zoos area all cruel and should be closed down. Others however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

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There arises a heated debate among people about the role of
zoos
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.
While
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 some argue that
zoos
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 have been dangerous for humans and should be abandoned, others believe that
zoos
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 have many advantages for conserving biological diversity. In
this
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 essay, I will examine both arguments and
then
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 give my personal opinion. On the one hand, it is understandable that people often
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
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 about the
zoos
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’ safety.
First,
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a zoo can be a combination of many kinds of
animals
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, especially dangerous species that can be harmful to children like tigers, lions, crocodiles, elephants,... Kids are one of the most popular objects visiting
zoos
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 every weekend, so they can be harmed whenever their parents carelessly allow them to come closer to animal cages.
For instance
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, children are often motivated to give
animals
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 food or they may have some joking
behaviors
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behaviours
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, which leads to some dangerous cases if kids get on these
animals
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' nerves.
Second,
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zoos
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 are often kept in restricted spaces where
animals
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 are removed from their natural habitats which makes them feel more stressed. In previous years, an elephant attacked the zoo’s staff when the man fed the others in the cage.
On the other hand
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, I would be inclined towards the argument that
zoos
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 play an important role in wildlife preservation.
First,
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the organization of
zoos
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 can be an ideal place which provide a safe environment for endangered species. They have adequate conditions thoroughly in order to take care of and protect
animals
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 from many risks in the wild. Staff in
zoos
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 can become the second godparents of species there.
For example
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, healthcare staff can quickly detect some disease symptoms and support their long-term survival.
Second,
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zoos
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 are popular destinations for everyone to raise awareness about the diverse environment. People can have
oppotunities
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opportunities
 to observe animal habitats. For students, that gives them useful experience for biology at school and
creat
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creates
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 a sense of natural life. In conclusion,
while
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 there are some reasons to
belive
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believe
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 that
zoos
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 are dangerous and should be closed down, my
on
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apply
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view is that
zoos
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 have some advantages for
wild
Correct article usage
the wild
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 and the whole
biologica
Correct your spelling
biological
 system.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas by clearly linking each point to the discussion topic. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to help the reader understand the main focus of each section.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion summarize the main points more effectively and restate your own opinion with clarity.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or evidence to support your points, such as recent events or studies related to the benefits of zoos and their roles in conservation.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of different perspectives on the issue.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, like children’s behavior in zoos, effectively illustrates the concern regarding safety.
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