Topic:Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many
people
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think undergraduate
education
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is the key to a brighter future,
whereas
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others advocate that it is best to get employed after high
school
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in order to gain
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experiance
Correct your spelling
experience
.
Although
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both
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
show examples
have some
benefit
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benefits
show examples
, I am of the opinion that
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
degree is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
effective way to succeed. On the one hand,
people
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who support the need to
work
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immediately after
school
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might argue that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
could gain
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experiance
Correct your spelling
experience
while
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working rather than schooling. Working after high
school
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will no doubt provide the opportunity to get familiar with
working
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the working
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environment, and
also
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provide financial
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
at a young age.
Besides
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, some professions are better
experianced
Correct your spelling
experienced
than
studed
Correct your spelling
studies
.
For example
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, music and dancing will benefit more
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
Use synonyms
experiance
Correct your spelling
experience
experiences
rather than
theoritical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
knowledge.
Therefore
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,
people
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should
work
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after high
school
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instead
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of enrolling in
university
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for a successful career.
On the other hand
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, obtaining a higher qualification is essential, as it is required in other to
work
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in some
sector
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sectors
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. Recently, many job opportunities need someone with
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
college
Correct article usage
a college
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education
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.
Besides
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, in other to
work
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in some professional setting a
university
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qualification is necessary.
For example
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, some professions
such
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as medical doctors and engineers can not practice without a higher qualification.
Moreover
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, undergraduate studies can improve both academic and social knowledge, which is a skill needed in
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work-life
Add an article
a work-life
the work-life
show examples
setting to succeed. In conclusion,
while
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employment after high
school
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can provide
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experiance
Correct your spelling
experience
and financial freedom,
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university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
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is a necessity in some
field
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fields
show examples
,
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apply
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and can develop
ones'
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one's
show examples
skills.
Therefore
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, I believe
people
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should
further
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their
education
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for a successful future.
However
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, a balanced approach between both can provide a well-rounded and successful career.

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language
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors. For example, "experiance" should be "experience" and "theoritical" should be "theoretical."
content
Ensure that each paragraph addresses a clear topic and supports the overall argument. Some points could be elaborated further for clarity.
clarity
When expressing opinions, use phrasing such as 'In my opinion' or 'I believe' to strengthen your viewpoint clearly.
content
You provided a clear discussion of both views, which is essential for a balanced essay.
structure
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and acknowledges the importance of both education and experience.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • specialized knowledge
  • critical thinking
  • networking
  • internships
  • mentorship
  • practical skills
  • entrepreneurial spirit
  • tuition
  • vocational training
  • financial independence
  • alternative learning
  • career advancement
  • industry demand
  • debts
  • success
  • education credentials
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