IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some university students live with their family while others live away form home because their universities are in different places. Do you think the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages?

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Tertiary education is an integral part of
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
 development of an individual. It is commonly seen that some
students
Use synonyms
 have to leave their
Use synonyms
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 to pursue education at
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 of their choice. I firmly believe that staying away from
home
Use synonyms
 is beneficial for
students
Use synonyms
 and the grounds
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 my perception shall be discussed in
this
Linking Words
eassay
Correct your spelling
essay
.
To begin
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 with, living in university hostels or far from
home
Use synonyms
 allows an individual to become independent and responsible.
This
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 gives
students
Use synonyms
sense
Add an article
a sense
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 of financial independence. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, as funds are limited they realise
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 of money and learn how to spend it adequately.
Moreover
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, they start working part-time to make ends meet.
Furthermore
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, pupils learn to socialise and
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 decisions independently.  Sometimes,
due to
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 family issues pupils are not able to concentrate on their studies
wheras
Correct your spelling
whereas
 staying away from family allows them to divert themselves from
such
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 problems and pass with flying colours. To exemplify, a study done in the United States
revelaed
Correct your spelling
revealed
 that divorce rates are very high
due to
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 which
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
 performance of
students
Use synonyms
 is affected badly.
On the contrary
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, living away from
home
Use synonyms
 sometimes results in
Use synonyms
home-sickness
Correct your spelling
home sickness
show examples
.
Due to
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which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 scholars may feel lonely and not able to concentrate on their studies.
This
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 could result in mental stress and poor grades.
However
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, these problems could be overcome by making good friends and socialising.
To conclude
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, living outside and independently allows social, intellectual
as well as
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 career growth of
students
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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 they become more responsible.

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coherence and cohesion
Enhance the overall coherence by using more linking phrases to connect ideas smoothly. For instance, phrases like 'Moreover' and 'Furthermore' are useful, but varying your transitions can help strengthen the logical flow between paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are elaborated sufficiently with evidence or examples that substantiate your claims. For example, expanding on how part-time work contributes to personal growth can increase the depth of your argument.
language use
Be attentive to minor spelling errors, as they can detract from your professionalism. For instance, 'eassay' should be 'essay' and 'revelaed' should be 'revealed'. Proofreading can help catch these small mistakes.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
content
Good use of specific examples and personal insights, particularly regarding financial independence and academic performance, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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