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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information the pcentage of the population in four Asian countries in cities from 1970 to 2020, woth predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the informaton by selecting and reposting the main features, and make complarisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information the pcentage of the population in four Asian countries in cities from 1970 to 2020, woth predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the informaton by selecting and reposting the main features, and make complarisons where relevant.
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The graph illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the people living in cities in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, Thailand, and Indonesia during the period of 1970 to 2020, with future numbers for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent that all four countries saw an increase in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
indviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 living in cities from when they started the period, and will continue to rise in the future, with
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 having the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
. As for
Use synonyms
Malaysia
Add a comma
Malaysia,
show examples
 they started with 30% in 1970 and the
line
Use synonyms
 grew and ended with predictions of 80% in 2040, which is the greatest number of people living in towns out of the four countries.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Indonesia began in 1970 with the lowest number which is just above 10%;
however
Linking Words
, it boomed till it reached approximately 50% and it will hit 60% in 2040, which makes it the second highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 after
Malaysia
Use synonyms
. Turning over to the Philippines, their
line
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 experienced rise and fall, they had the highest
percentage
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 in 1970 which was around 30%;
nonetheless
Linking Words
, the
line
Use synonyms
 skyrocketed to just under 50% in 1990 and plunged in the following two decades to around 40%.
However
Linking Words
, it is predicted to grow and reach around 52% in 2040.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Thailand`s city population
line
Use synonyms
 saw some fluctuations, beginning with just under 20% in 1970 it steadily rose and from 1990
till
Change preposition
to
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 2020 the
line
Use synonyms
 plateaued;
however
Linking Words
 , it is promised to see an increase
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 just under 50% in 2040.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, malaysia, line with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 3 times.
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