IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of tourists in three nations who travel to Australia in 2005 and 2015. The graph below shows the number of tourists who use two types for holiday.

The bar chart below shows the number of tourists in three nations who travel to Australia in 2005 and 2015. The graph below shows the number of tourists who use two types for holiday.
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The bar graph and line chart illustrate the
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors from the US, UK and Japan who came to Australia and the kinds of vacations they enjoyed in 2005 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the majority of tourists came from the US and UK in the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 more Japanese people visited in the first
year
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors
Correct pronoun usage
who enjoyed
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enjoyed
Wrong verb form
enjoy
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 backpacking holidays increased over time. By observing the chart, it can be seen that in 2005, 800,000 residents from the United Kingdom travelled to Australia, which surged to 1,400,000 in 2015. Whilst, the
number
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 of travellers from the US was more than 400,000 in 2005, which significantly reached over 1,400,000 in the later
year
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the preference of Japanese people to visit Australia decreased in 2015 to 1,000,000 and 1,400,000 in 2005.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of people
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 backpacking holidays was less than 500,000 in the initial
year
Use synonyms
, which gradually grew to more than 1,000,000 in 2015.
However
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of staying at
resort
Add an article
the resort
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 was 1,600,000 in 2005, which
inclined
Verb problem
increased
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 for the next five years and
then
Linking Words
 declined to 1,000,000 in 2015.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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