IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The plans below show the ground floor of a library in 2001 and how it was redeveloped in 2009.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The plans illustrate the comparison of a
library
Use synonyms
's ground floor in 2001 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there were only three bookshelves, eight separate tables, and Newspapers and Periodicals. Meanwhile, after the renovation, the
library
Use synonyms
 saw a major change from restricted learning materials to child-friendly space
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and digital resources
Initially
Linking Words
, the
library
Use synonyms
 had a limited selection of
books
Use synonyms
. The entrance
area
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 was located at the bottom part of the map, where the librarian's desk was situated and the stairs on the right side of the corner. Behind the desk of the
library
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 in charge, was the self-help section, with the history
books
Use synonyms
 adjacent to it.
Moreover
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, eight single-seated tables occupied the central
area
Use synonyms
 of the floor, beside which
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the Newspapers and periodicals section. The fictional bookshelf
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
is found at the top of the map, next to the history section.was By 2009, the
library
Use synonyms
's ground floor had improved significantly, from limited genres to a wide variety of
books
Use synonyms
, computers, and an
area
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 for children. Kitchen, Economics, and Law
books
Use synonyms
 were added alongside the existing self-help, history, and fiction on the left wing.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the central
area
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 saw a major alteration; single-seated desks were replaced by long rectangular tables,
while
Linking Words
 films and
DVD's
Change noun form
DVDs
show examples
 replaced the newspapers and periodicals. The
library
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also
Linking Words
 added computers, highlighting the growing need for digital resources.

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task achievement
The introduction could include more specific information about the changes between the two years. Perhaps mention the types of changes more explicitly, such as the shift from analog to digital resources.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay does present the overall changes, some points lack clarity. For example, instead of saying 'the library saw a major change from restricted learning materials to child-friendly space', consider stating clearly what those changes are and how they benefit users.
coherence and cohesion
The transition between describing the 2001 and 2009 layouts could be smoother. Using comparative phrases such as 'In contrast' or 'Unlike the previous version' can enhance fluidity.
coherence and cohesion
There are minor inaccuracies in language usage and grammar (e.g., 'was is found' should be 'is found'). Proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring sentence structures are correct will improve clarity.
task achievement
The essay effectively outlines the main differences between the library's layout in 2001 and 2009, which is essential for this task.
coherence and cohesion
The overall organization of the essay is logical, making it easy to follow the main points discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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