IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries people are having health problems because they choose to live an unhealthy life. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

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One of the most pressing topics in today’s time is majority of the people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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different parts of the world are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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ignorant about their lifestyle and fitness
due to
Linking Words
 their choices. I strongly believe that people should take care
about
Change preposition
of
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 their health by dedicating their time and efforts
in
Change preposition
to
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 workouts, healthy habits and a
balance
Change the verb form
balanced
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 diet. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will demonstrate the causes and how different approaches that can be taken to solve the serious
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
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 issue.

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task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your ideas, especially in the body paragraphs. More detailed explanations of the causes and solutions would enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains distinct main points that are clearly linked to your thesis statement. Avoid blending too many ideas in one paragraph for better clarity.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be more concise and directly connected to the main arguments you will present. Consider revising to clearly outline the reasons and solutions in a straightforward manner.
content
The awareness of the health issues related to lifestyle choices is effectively communicated in your introduction.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • dietary habits
  • awareness
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • lifestyle
  • unhealthy choices
  • stress
  • busy lifestyles
  • cultural factors
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • education campaigns
  • nutrition
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • supportive environment
What to do next:
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