IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more companies allow their employees to work from home or “remotely” rather than going into an office each day. Do the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, many companies are changing their organizational strategies,
as a result
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 of the hard competition with rivals. As aforementioned, one of the most significant changes
,
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 is the permission for employers which allows them to do their tasks outdoors.
Although
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,
this
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 decision will benefit a number of workers.
It is clear that
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 the cons are more than the pros.
Accordingly
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, loss of attention and lack of efficiency are two factors which may lead businesses to use on-site employment rather than outside methods.
Firstly
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, considering another place rather than the company's official department as a place for working, probably, so many distractors exist.
For instance
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, a proportion of staff may be married,
thus
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, the family members will play the role of distractors.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 kind of mind absence in professional tasks
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 will cause a number of errors in the output of office products.
Accordingly
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, for many CEOs is more beneficiary to have their personnel working on-site.
Secondly
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, many managers believe that
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 the revenue of workers who are permitted remote working, is not as much as others. The fact of no control over tasks by the administrator of each unit will prove
this
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.
Moreover
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, there is no proof for principals that in the time of necessity, the needed staff would exist.
As a result
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, perhaps, many directors will not be convinced to let their employees work outside.
To sum up
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, staff shall be careful and efficient to help the company to reach the prescribed goals,
nevertheless
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,
this
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 issue can not be reached using methods which allow them to work out of site.
Therefore
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, it may not be useful for CEOs to select
this
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 strategy.
Accordingly
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, some mixed and balanced forms of working, including both types, may help companies to achieve their purposes better than before.

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task achievement
Clarify your main argument in the introduction and ensure it clearly states whether you believe the advantages or disadvantages outweigh each other.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the overall structure by ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates to a single main idea and is connected logically to the next paragraph.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to illustrate your points, as this will strengthen your argument and support your claims.
content
You have raised relevant points regarding the potential distractions of remote work and the lack of control over employees' productivity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • telecommuting
  • remote working
  • work-life balance
  • productivity
  • distractions
  • flexible schedule
  • cost savings
  • office space
  • commuting
  • professional wardrobe
  • boundary
  • burnout
  • face-to-face interaction
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • isolation
  • workplace culture
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