IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Although
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 some individuals suggest that advertising is good at making us buy various items, others say the opposite and think that advertising is not effective anymore
due to
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 how often we face it. Despite finding both views truthful, the essay supports the idea of
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
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 approach being convinced that advertising can be successful by being placed in actual places and
on
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at
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correct
Correct article usage
the correct
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 time. Advertising plays
important
Correct article usage
an important
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 role in our lives by persuading us to purchase what we
neeed
Correct your spelling
need
 and even what we do not even
neeed
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need
. Many people prefer to buy things that are advertised on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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TV or social media, especially if their favourite celebrities play a role in that
add
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ad
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. So it is obvious that advertising has a psychological effect on
the
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apply
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society. The advertising makers understand that and try to use some psychological hacks,
for
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example
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example,
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 many global companies use the strategy of combining national traditions with the items that they plan to sell,
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as
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and as
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 a result, the sales go up.
For instance
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, Cola makes interesting advertising videos in different countries by taking into account the interests and culture of the
counry
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country
county
 in which that video will be shown,
therefore
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 the sales
went
Wrong verb form
have gone
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 up by 67% in recent years.
In contrast
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, sometimes
community
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the community
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 gets tired of
seing
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seeing
 advertising everywhere and humans stop giving any attention to them
due to
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 oversaturation. The reason is that advertising is made in
inappropriate
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an inappropriate
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 way, particularly if someone is watching
film
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a film
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 and the film gets interrupted by advertising, no one will be interested in what is being shown, they will
agressively
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aggressively
 wait 15 seconds to skip the video and continue watching the film. Statistics
of
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from
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the
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apply
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Youtube
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YouTube
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 depict that 78.2% of viewers
instanly
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immediately
 skip the advertising after 15 or 30 seconds. In conclusion, the provided essay believes that a balanced and appropriate way of advertising can be efficient
while
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 both views reflect the reality in which we live.

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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a good discussion of both views, but try to expand on your own opinion in more detail. Clearly stating your position in the introduction can also enhance the clarity of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the organization of your paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and connects well with the previous one. Using linking words more effectively can help achieve this and make your argument flow better.
General Writing
Be careful with your grammar and spelling, as there are a few minor inaccuracies that, while not distracting, could be improved to add professionalism to your writing. For example, 'neeed' should be 'need', and 'agressively' should be 'aggressively'.
Task Achievement
You presented both sides of the argument clearly, and your use of a relevant example, like the Coca-Cola advertisements, helps enhance your points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your points, which is a strong way to wrap up the essay and reiterate your view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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