IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Fast food is now universally in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular. Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not. What are your opinions in this?

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In the few past years have seen a dramatic increase in the availability of fast
food
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. Some laud the convenience and low cost;
however
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, in
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I intend to discuss
that is
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 detrimental both to the humans that consume it and society. There are two primary reasons for
this
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. First of all, is an undeniable fact that using fast
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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 to excess results in serious health problems.
Food
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such
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 as hamburgers and chips, pizza and fried chicken which are considerably high in fat and salt are responsible for
such
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 ailments as high blood pressure, obesity and heart disease.
Moreover
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, I personally agree that fast
food
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 is both affordable and convenient, though, it will cost arms and legs in future
due to
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 health problems.
In other words
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,
while
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 fast
food
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 is beneficial in the short term, its long-term effects are generally negative.
In addition
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, the public education company should
aware
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be aware
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 everyone about the cost of using fast
food
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.
Further
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 and even more importantly, though, some fast
food
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 chains deliberately attempt to attract young people with their innovative solutions
such
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 as beautiful clowns like McDonald's and provide playgrounds and birthday parties for children. They provoke them that it should be a fun time to spend a night at their branch. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that
fast
Correct article usage
the fast
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food
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 industry will be becoming more popular among individuals,
although
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 it is associated with health risks and obesity problems. So public education should be prepared to warn humanity about obstacles that it brings for elderly men and women.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction, and maintain a clear position throughout your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on sentence structure and ensure complete sentences. For example, "is an undeniable fact that using fast meal to excess results in serious health problems" needs a subject at the beginning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid informal phrases like 'cost arms and legs' and replace them with more formal expressions.
Task Achievement
You have identified clear arguments against fast food, which is a good start for a persuasive essay.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, such as health issues and marketing tactics aimed at children, introduces specific context that strengthens your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity epidemic
  • Processed foods
  • Nutritional value
  • Chronic diseases
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Economic impact
  • Job creation
  • Environmental degradation
  • Sustainability
  • Dietary habits
  • Consumerism
  • Mass production
  • Public health
  • Health-conscious
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