IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Shoppers have too much choice, from chocolate bars to jeans.' What, in your opinion, are the advantages and disadvantages of having many things to choose from?

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Being inside
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 grocery store, with
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
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 of
products
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 makes the customers feel overwhelmed and
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 a
lot
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 of money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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things that sometimes is not necessary. In
this
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 essay, I will tackle the pros and cons of it. And explain what I think about
this
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 situation. When the shoppers need something ,and they can see a
lot
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 of choices, they can't decide which
products
Use synonyms
 they are going to buy.
This
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 is
one
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 of the disadvantages,
for instance
Linking Words
 buying a chocolate bar for your sweet tooth,
instead
Linking Words
to pick
Change preposition
of picking
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 your
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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one
Use synonyms
 you will try the other
products
Use synonyms
beside
Replace the word
besides
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of
Change preposition
apply
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it.
Therefore
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, sometimes it can result a confusion and wasting time for which
one
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do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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you really like.
Also
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, spending a
lot
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 of money
to
Change preposition
on
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 the
newly
Change the word
new
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products
Use synonyms
, that sometimes it's over pricing.
However
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, the
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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 of having a
lot
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 of options is,
you
Correct word choice
that you
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 can choose the right
one
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 for you.
For example
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, when buying
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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new jeans we want the best fit for us. It depends
also
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the body type that we are having.
Moreover
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, we tried to search and fit all the
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of jeans from different brands until we
find
Wrong verb form
found
show examples
 the best
one
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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, having plenty of choices is not a bad thing for me. As long we know how to manage our budget and money to buy the things we want.
Also
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, always consider not to waste time when choosing, especially when you're inside of the store or groceries because time is always important.

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task achievement
Make sure to clarify your ideas more distinctly in your arguments. For instance, elaborate on the examples provided to show how they directly connect to your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your paragraphs. For example, transitions between ideas can be smoother to help the reader follow your argument better.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with grammar and word choice. For instance, 'enormous of products' should be 'an enormous number of products.' This will enhance clarity.
task achievement
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and provide a conclusion that summarizes your thoughts.
coherence and cohesion
The recognition of both advantages and disadvantages reflects a balanced perspective, which is a strong point in your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • abundance of choice
  • personalization
  • competitive pricing
  • decision fatigue
  • innovate
  • buyer’s remorse
  • competitive edge
  • high-quality
  • preferences
  • time-consuming
  • satisfaction
  • overwhelm
What to do next:
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