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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the Anthropolgist in the work after five years.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the Anthropolgist in the work after five years.
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The pie chart illustrates the future activities of Antropology students
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a specific university after they finish their undergraduate degree course,
while
Linking Words
 the table
shosws
Correct your spelling
shows
 the percentage of Antropologist's wages after five years of
work
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the vast majority of graduates proceed with full-time jobs,
whereas
Linking Words
 a tiny minority carried on their full-time postgraduate studies or
combine
Wrong verb form
combined
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 with part-time
work
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most
commonly
Change the adverb
common
show examples
 workers in
this
Linking Words
 area
reseived
Correct your spelling
received
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 salary
over
Change preposition
of over
show examples
 $75,000, with freelance consultants being the most profitable profession among others. Focusing first on the destination of the
Antropology
Correct your spelling
Anthropology
 graduates, over 50% of them started to
work
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 full-time positions,
while
Linking Words
 for those
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 part-time positions or unemployed ones, the corresponding figures were approximately 15% for each. Regarding those who
desided
Correct your spelling
decided
 to continue their full-time post-graduate studies,
along with
Linking Words
 those students who managed to combine
this
Linking Words
 with working
par-timely
Correct your spelling
part-time
show examples
, the
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 for these groups were 5 and 8 per cent, respectively. As for the levels of income of Antropologiests, up to 15% of freelance consultants,
as well as
Linking Words
 government sector workers had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 salary between $25,000 and $74,999,
whereas
Linking Words
 80% of each of these groups were paid more than $75,000 after 5 years'
work
Use synonyms
. Regarding private companies, they were most low-paid, with 45% of workers having
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wages below $75,000, and the rest 55% receiving more than
this
Linking Words
 sum.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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