IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important to give children the chance to act independently and make their own decisions from an early age.

There is a view that young people should be given the opportunity to be independent and make their own choices.
While
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 some argue that
this
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 is necessary to develop their responsibility and confidence, I believe that granting young people too much freedom is not ideal, as parental guidance and support from the older generation are essential for their proper upbringing. On the one hand, allowing
children
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 to think freely and giving them chances to make their own decisions can foster their critical thinking and responsibility. When
children
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 are given the chance to be free to choose,
such
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 as selecting their hobbies and using their time wisely, they develop important life skills.
For example
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, a young person who can divide their time between studying and playing will be successful in managing their schedule, and they learn not to waste their time.
This
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 independence boosts their confidence and prepares them to solve problems in adulthood.
On the other hand
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, giving independence at an early age may have some negative effects. The younger generation does not have enough experience in making decisions on their own, which can lead to negative consequences in their future life.
For example
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, if
children
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 are given the freedom to choose which subjects to study, they will probably choose mathematics, foreign languages, and computer science.
However
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, there are other important subjects that could be more beneficial for their future careers. In conclusion,
while
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 it is important to support
children
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 in being free and thinking independently,
this
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 should be done under parental guidance. Excessive freedom can lead to poor decision-making, which may negatively impact their future.
Therefore
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, a balance between independence and supervision is necessary to ensure
children
Use synonyms
 grow into responsible and well-rounded individuals.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and responds well to the task. However, to enhance your score, consider developing your ideas in more detail and providing additional examples or insights to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and is easy to follow. To improve cohesion, make sure to use more linking words or phrases to connect your ideas between paragraphs and within them.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines your position on the topic, and you have effectively summarized your main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which demonstrates critical thinking.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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