IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, young people are choosing to live alone rather than with their families. Why is this ? What problems does it cause?

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In
recentyears
Correct your spelling
recent years
, young people
tend
Wrong verb form
have tended
show examples
 to live alone
instead
Linking Words
 of living with their families.
Thus
Linking Words
 is primarily derived from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
independence,
while
Linking Words
 it can lead to financial pressure and homesickness. It is vital to understand that young
individals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 choose to live independently and do not rely on their their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Simly
Correct your spelling
Simply
 put,
Use synonyms
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 who want to prove living alone normally without supporting finance from
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 and their care;
espescially
Correct your spelling
especially
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 have not to be managed by their
parents
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will be
freedom
Replace the word
free
show examples
 and do
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
 they want without
cocerning
Correct your spelling
concerning
 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criticism from their
parents
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, if young
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 live lonely, they will have financial pressure.
in other words
Linking Words
,
bu
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 paying some
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
such
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 as house rent and cost of living, they will be
presseed
Correct your spelling
pressed
 by these
as well as
Linking Words
 being nervous about these problems which they have not tried before. For
Instsnce
Correct your spelling
instance
, after beginning
ti
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 live lonely,
Use synonyms
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
pay logically for their purpose if they do not want to run out of money.
Hence
Linking Words
, they create saving
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 and know
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
 rightly
amd
Correct your spelling
and
 realistically.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, living alone can lead to homesickness for
Use synonyms
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, when living
further
Linking Words
 from families, young people will be homesick
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of love and care from
parents
Use synonyms
 who
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 almost time on their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
,
thus
Linking Words
 they feel empty when
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
after going
Change preposition
go
show examples
 back home and stay lonely.
Consequently
Linking Words
, young people are not used to live far families not only
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them distracted in working but
also
Linking Words
 feel tired and unmotivated in life. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
Linking Words
 living alone
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
Use synonyms
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 more independent in life, it can result in
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
financial pressure and homesickness.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction should more clearly state the reasons and problems you will discuss. Consider rephrasing to better express clarity and organization.
Task Achievement
Make sure to support your main points with clear examples and avoid vague phrases.
Language Use
Be careful with grammar and spelling as they can affect your clarity in communication. Proofreading your work can help eliminate these errors.
Task Achievement
You provide a clear argument regarding why young people choose to live alone, focusing on independence, which is a good start for your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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