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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessery to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

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Nowadays, raising
an
Correct article usage
apply
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offspring is a daunting task. It is often believed that punishing a
child
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 fosters good habits in
children
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, making them capable
to distinguish
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of distinguishing
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 between good and bad and
thus
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,
this
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 practice should commence right from childhood. In my view, there are several ways
such
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 as positive reinforcement, which both parents and the instructors should offer to a
child
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 inculcating good values and attitude. The traditional forms of punishment should be replaced by appreciation.
Firstly
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, a
child
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 should be encouraged to be expressive and be stopped
for
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from
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 any
wrong doings
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wrongdoings
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, by his mentors.
Instead
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 of beating up or abusing a
child
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 when he
accidently
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accidentally
 drops a toy, they should be told softly to pick up the toy and place it back. Once
this
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 is done, the
child
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 should be applauded or
be
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apply
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remarked affirmatively. Harsh scoldings only lead to aggression and fear among
children
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. By being a role model themselves, the parents should try to explain to their little
one
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ones
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 the disadvantages of doing
such
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 acts, so that they are careful in future events if
such
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 teaching requires multiple
repetition
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repetitions
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. Learning by doing, is the best teaching style and has proved beneficial. A recent study conducted by Oxford University reveals that
children
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 fare well in life when they are raised in a pleasant environment rather than in an
ambiance
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ambience
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 of negative remarks. Schools and homes are both learning institutions for the young. Instilling moral values, no doubt, requires a lot of effort through real-life examples and
pragmatic
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a pragmatic
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 approach but is worth every penny. These days,
children
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 are
awarded
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rewarded
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 in
schoold
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school
schools
 when they demonstrate exemplary behaviour and discipline.
This
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 encouragement goes a long way in shaping their future. In conclusion, it is essential for a
child
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 to know what is right and wrong.
However
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, punishing a
child
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 by screaming and slapping are conventional ways. Modern methods of appreciation are more desirable and effective in bringing out a
well groomed
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well-groomed
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 personality.

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task achievement
While your introduction provides a clear stance, adding a clearer thesis statement to directly state your main points would enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are generally well-organized, but some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to improve the logical flow.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate your points more vividly. This can enhance the relevance of your arguments.
content
You have a strong grasp of the importance of positive reinforcement over traditional punishment, which is well-articulated throughout your essay.
content
Your use of academic references, such as the study from Oxford University, adds credibility to your argument and distinguishes your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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