IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The media is increasing interest in famous people who have ordinary backgrounds. Why do you think people are interested in their lives? Do you think this is a good thing?

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In the present time,
people
Use synonyms
 living a usual
life
Use synonyms
 and being successful, attract more attention from the media.
This
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 draws attention towards the fact that success
dosen't
Correct your spelling
doesn't
show examples
 depend upon your social background or where you come from, but on your willpower, perseverance and perspective. I think it's a good thing that more coverage is given to
such
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
. Henceforth, I've elaborated my views.
Primarility
Correct your spelling
Primarily
, the reason behind more attention given to these
people
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 is that
,
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apply
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higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
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 number of
population
Add an article
the population
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belong
Change the verb form
belongs
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 to
Add an article
the middle
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middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
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 background.
Hence
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,
people
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 are more
intriged
Correct your spelling
intrigued
 to look at someone coming from the same class and being rich.
This
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 not only helps with publicity but
also
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 hits
people
Use synonyms
 on an emotional level. It highlights the fact that if you're
detemined
Correct your spelling
determined
 to achieve something, nothing can stop you.
For example
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, a movie about an Indian cricketer who came from a backward class and didn't have much support growing up, managed to stay consistent and with
Correct your spelling
hard work
hardwork
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hardwork,
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 he is now one of the greatest
batsman
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batsmen
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 of all time.
This
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 makes
people
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 more hopeful of the future. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 it is a good thing because
,
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apply
show examples
 it encourages
people
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 to be inspired
from
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by
show examples
 others and keep trying their best in
life
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. Success stories have a different charm when a person goes through countless struggles and still
succedd
Correct your spelling
succeeds
 through it.
Additionally
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, it
also
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 enhances the importance of having
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 perspective. It is not the situation but our response to it which makes the difference. For illustration, the famous story of Alexander, who failed at school and his
oarents
Correct your spelling
parents
 weren't very supportive of him either. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what he had faced he still managed to make some of the greatest discoveries. When
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 population read about
this
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 they
motivated
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are motivated
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 to keep
growig
Correct your spelling
growing
 and looking forward to
lead
Change the verb form
leading
show examples
 a good
life
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. In conclusion, it is a good thing that
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 is
focusiong
Correct your spelling
focusing
focussing
 more on ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 living an extra
ordianry
Correct your spelling
ordinary
life
Use synonyms
 as
this
Linking Words
 helps inspire youth to greatness.

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language
Ensure proper spelling and word choice, such as 'determined' instead of 'detemined' and 'ordinary' instead of 'extra ordianry'.
coherence
Use a more varied range of linking words to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand on examples offered to create a more comprehensive understanding of the points being made. This could involve additional context or analysis of how these stories inspire people.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on both the interest in ordinary people’s success and why this is beneficial.
task achievement
The use of real-life examples, such as the Indian cricketer and Alexander, adds credibility to the arguments presented.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • celebrity
  • ordinary backgrounds
  • interest
  • curiosity
  • fascination
  • escapism
  • entertainment
  • inspiration
  • motivation
  • identification
  • relatability
  • social comparison
  • envy
  • public interest
  • negative effects
  • excessive focus
What to do next:
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