IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education.

The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph below showcased the expenditure of some kind of meats in a Europe country during the period from 1979 to 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, chicken stood out with the highest results of
consumption
Use synonyms
 per person per week.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
beef
Use synonyms
, lamb, and
fish
Use synonyms
 experienced the lowest drop. On the one hand,
meat
Use synonyms
 had the significant influence on people than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fish
Use synonyms
. In 1979,
Use synonyms
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of
beef
Use synonyms
 had the highest number of people.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, by 2004,
beef
Use synonyms
 had dropped to almost
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
100 grams per person per week.
According to
Linking Words
 the
meat
Use synonyms
 statistics,
beef
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sharply declined.
Therefore
Linking Words
, lamb
consumption
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 did not show significant improvement during
this
Linking Words
 time.
Consumption
Use synonyms
 of
fish
Use synonyms
 did not exhibit significant changes
overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 expenditure of
fish
Use synonyms
 remained constant. In conclusion,
meat
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 was significantly higher than the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
fish
Use synonyms
. Chicken showcased the most significant growth in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
expenditure,
while
Linking Words
 other
meat
Use synonyms
 and
fish
Use synonyms
 products continue to have relatively low levels.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, beef, fish, meat with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 5 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: