Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There is a debate over whether schools should focus on curriculum

subjects

Use synonyms

or non-academic programs ,

such

Linking Words

as music,sports,

art

Correct word choice

and art

show examples

are the same degree

crucial

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

.In

this

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essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will touch on both perspectives,but

Change the capitalization

show examples

am mostly in favour of the academic

subjects

Use synonyms

have

Correct pronoun usage

that have

show examples

big

Add an article

a big

show examples

importance in prospective career path. On the one hand,academic

subjects

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have

undeniable

Add an article

an undeniable

show examples

impact

Change preposition

show examples

education

Add an article

the education

show examples

system,but based on some people,extra-curriculum programs play an essential role in some

kind

Fix the agreement mistake

kinds

show examples

of professions.From their views,

artrelated

Correct your spelling

art related

art-related

subjects

Use synonyms

are beneficial for

nurture

Change the verb form

nurturing

show examples

their creativity,teamwork,

leadership

Correct word choice

and leadership

show examples

abilities,which contribute to

improve

Change the verb form

improving

show examples

their mental health.And

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this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

life skills

whuch directlt

Correct your spelling

which directly

stimulate

students

Change noun form

students'

student's

show examples

social skills with their peers.

Moreover

Linking Words

,attending in wide range of outdoor activities,

such

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as sports promotes physical fitness,

while

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music and arts influence stress relief and enhance

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

creativity.

On the other hand

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,educational

subjects

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as mathematics,science and chemistry would be helpful for students,in the sense that job marketing frequently needs

skillful

Change the spelling

skilful

show examples

employers in

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

fields.

For instance

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,with the help of math individuals directly boost

Correct pronoun usage

their problem

show examples

problem solving

Add a hyphen

problem-solving

show examples

and counting abilities,

while

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foreign languages broaden their horizons and

paved

Wrong verb form

pave

show examples

the way to explore work

inthe

Correct your spelling

international campaigns. In conclusion,it seems that every side has an argumentative viewpoint.I strongly believe that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

teaching

subjects

Use synonyms

would provide students

Change preposition

with more

show examples

substantial benefits than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

artrelated

Correct your spelling

art related

art-related

programs.

zeynalli.taranaTue Mar 25 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Make sure to clarify your main argument in the introduction more explicitly. Instead of just stating your preference, try to outline the reasons why you believe academic subjects are more important.

coherence and cohesion

Work on the logical progression of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph flows into the next, providing a clearer transition between academic subjects and extracurricular activities.

coherence and cohesion

Use clearer and more varied sentence structures. Try to avoid run-on sentences and make sure to proofread your work for grammatical issues.

task achievement

Expand on ideas with more specific examples or evidence to support your points more clearly, especially in regards to how academic subjects lead to future career success.

task achievement

You successfully presented both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

coherence and cohesion

The conclusion summarizes your viewpoint well, making your stance clear to the reader.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

200 words

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Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign lamguage can cause serious social prolems, as well as practical problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Today, more and more full-time university students focus on other activities rather than spend a lot of time studying. Some people think it is essential for university students to be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some cities, people prefer riding bicycles rather than drive cars. In some cities, people choose to drive cars rather than ride bicycles. What are the reasons for their preferences? Which one do you think is better development?

Some people say that young people are much more influenced by their friends than their parents or teachers. Do you agree or disagree?

.Some are of the opinion that children below the age of 12 shouldn’t be allowed to have a mobile phone. Others believe that mobile phones are a useful tool for children of all ages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.