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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some parts of the world, it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development?

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In certain parts of the world, it is
prominent
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important
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 to do
a
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apply
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family
background
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research
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 of one's own family. In my opinion, there are many factors that contribute to
this
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 consideration,
however
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, I believe that the predominant
reason
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 is to prevent the transmission of unwanted genetic diseases.
However
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, I think that
this
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 new development isn't useful to society as it could lead to an obsession.
Firstly
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, with the help of modern technologies in today's world, it is possible to do
researches
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research
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 on our family's
background
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. The
reason
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 people do
this
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 is to protect their own
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life
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lives
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 and the
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life
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lives
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 of
the
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apply
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future generations.
For instance
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, thalassemia, which is a hereditary disease, could be passed down from one generation to another , causing harm to a person's
life
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.
For
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this
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reason
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, I believe that it is important to
research
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 the history of one's family before planning anything in advance,
such
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 as having kids, so that they are able to take preemptive measures,
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and ensuring
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ensuring
Wrong verb form
ensure
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 what is best for their
life
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.
Secondly
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, documenting the family's past ensures that the stories and achievements of previous generations are not lost to time.
This
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 is a special way to provide an insight into the struggles and triumphs of ancestors, fostering a sense of resilience and gratitude
into
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in
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 younger generations especially.
For
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this
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reason
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, I
also
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 believe that doing
a
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apply
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family
background
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research
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 enables us to learn from mistakes
done
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made
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 by our ancestors and use that knowledge to our benefit, expanding our understanding and encouraging us to think outside of the box.
Lastly
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, it is certainly a negative development as it might lead to an obsession with the past. In worst cases, it might
also
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 lead to uncovering uncomfortable or distressing truths, creating unnecessary stress
to
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for
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 the family which could weaken the family's bond. Take for
an
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apply
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example, discovering that your ancestors have a past history of cancer would scare the family and create havoc. In conclusion, I think that
this
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 new development is overrated and it is important to know the limit when doing
research
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 on the family's
background
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 to avoid unwanted stress.

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task achievement
While your ideas are relevant, try to enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments. Include more detailed examples or explanations to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help you connect your ideas more logically and maintain coherence throughout.
task achievement
You have introduced relevant points about the benefits of researching family history, particularly concerning genetic health and learning from ancestors, which are essential elements of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genealogy
  • Heritage
  • Ancestry
  • Lineage
  • Descendants
  • Forebears
  • Pedigree
  • Dynasty
  • Progenitors
  • Ethnicity
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Familial ties
  • Archival records
  • Hereditary
  • Kinship
  • Self-identity
  • Patriarchy/Matriarchy
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