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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows how much money was spent on cars in four different countries in Asia

The line graph below shows how much money was spent on cars in four different countries in Asia
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The line graph illustrates the amount of money spent on vehicles in four Asian countries from 1995 till 2005, with all data presented in millions of US dollars.
Overall
Linking Words
, China spent the highest amount of money on cars. Despite the fluctuation in
Thailand
Use synonyms
, it had an upward trend
such
Linking Words
 as Vietnam.
Although
Linking Words
, Indonesia had the lowest expenditure it overweighs
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Thailand
Use synonyms
's spending. Around 80
million
Use synonyms
USD
Use synonyms
 were spent on cars in China
initially
Linking Words
, it increased sharply to 90 in 1999. By 2003 it had declined slightly to approximately 85
million
Use synonyms
USD
Use synonyms
, but it peaked at 100
million
Use synonyms
USD
Use synonyms
 in 2005.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Vietnam's population was second who
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 the most money on automobiles, around 55 in 1995, it gradually climbed to 70 in 2001 and remained unchanged till 2005, when it increased to over 70
million
Use synonyms
USD
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, from 1999
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2001, Indonesia was the country
which has
Verb problem
that
show examples
 invested at least
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 cars,
however
Linking Words
, it doubled to 60
million
Use synonyms
USD
Use synonyms
 in 2003,
whereas
Linking Words
 in the
last
Linking Words
 two years overweighed
Thailand
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 10
million
Use synonyms
USD
Use synonyms
.
Despite
Correct pronoun usage
Despite this
show examples
,
Thailand
Use synonyms
showing
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 fluctuation between 50-60
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in the first six years,
while
Linking Words
 in the second half remained almost without significant change.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words thailand, million, usd with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • spending
  • automotive industry
  • trend
  • comparison
  • data representation
  • fluctuation
  • consumer behavior
  • economic growth
  • market demand
  • investment
  • country-specific
  • graph analysis
  • increase/decrease
  • percentage change
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