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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The following two pie charts display the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities with European adults in 1985 and 1995. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The following two pie charts display the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities with European adults in 1985 and 1995. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart illustrates the outcome of
survey
Add an article
a survey
the survey
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into
Change preposition
on
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 the popularity of types of leisure activities of European adults between 1985 to 1995, over the period of 10 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
rate
Use synonyms
 was watching television in 1980,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
 was other in both years,
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
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 the percentage of eating out increased
in1985
Correct your spelling
in 1985
,
while
Linking Words
 the
rate
Use synonyms
 of talking
family
Change preposition
to family
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 decreased in 1995. Looking at the details, the ratio of watching TV was 32 % in 1985 and almost nearly the same in 1995 , at 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
 of
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 was 6
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in 1985. 21 % of talking with friends in 1985 and the
rate
Use synonyms
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
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little
Correct article usage
a little
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 to 26
percent
Use synonyms
 in 1995.the proportion of eating out was 23 %.
Linking Words
on
Capitalize word
On
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 the contrary, the ratio in 1995
was fall
Change the verb form
fell
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 sharply to 8 %. Looking at more details, we can notice that in 1995
Use synonyms
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
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 of playing computer games was 27
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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,
while
Linking Words
no
Correct your spelling
not
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compered
Correct your spelling
compared
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 in 1980 .
in addition
Linking Words
 to that, the proportion of talking with family was 7 % ,
furthermore
Linking Words
 the
rate
Use synonyms
 in 1985 jumped to 18
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey results
  • popularity
  • leisure activities
  • European adults
  • significant rise
  • steady
  • collectively
  • slight increase
  • emerged
  • accounting for
  • percentage of people
  • new leisure activity
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