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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph shows the consumption of Fast Food among Australian teenagers between 1975 and 2000.

The graph shows the consumption of Fast Food among Australian teenagers between 1975 and 2000.
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The line graph illustrates the changes in trends in the
consumption
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 of
pizza
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, hamburgers,and
fish
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 and
chips
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 among Australian teenagers over a 25-
year
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 period.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
consumption
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 of both
pizza
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 and hamburgers showed a great growth throughout the years;
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the
fish
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 and
chips
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 showed a dramatic decrease .Though the previous category was reported as the greatest
rate
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 at the beginning of the era ,yet by the end its share fell by half. The
pizza
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 and hamburger categories demonstrated an incredible increase in the two decades.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the former
consumption
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rate
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 was 10
times
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 a
year
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, the latter was about five
times
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 a
year
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 in 1975. As the data clearly indicates, the hamburger figure from 1980 to 1985 period tripled from its
rate
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 in 1975, with
this
Linking Words
 steady increase the proportion of teens eating
pizza
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 was 100
times
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 a
year
Use synonyms
 by 2000;
additionally
Linking Words
, it ranked the highest among all other types of fast food.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
pizza
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consumption
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 in 1975 was less than five
times
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, in the following years its share rose gradually ,so in 2000 the
rate
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 was about 82
times
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. The
fish
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 and
chips
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 category, despite starting as the highest amount of
consumption
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 among
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 fast food
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 with 100
times
Use synonyms
 a
year
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 ,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, the given figure experienced a large reduction throughout the twenty years period as in the
last
Linking Words
year
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 the
fish
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 and
chips
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 were eaten 40
times
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 a
year
Use synonyms
. Notably, it lost its rank from the most fast food type consumed to the least.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, pizza, fish, chips, rate, times, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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