IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for or allow them to do whatever they want to do. Is this good for children? What could be consequences for these children when they grow up?

Giving
children
Use synonyms
 everything may enable them
fail
Add the particle
to fail
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 to learn how to follow rules and behave appropriately at school. They become accustomed to getting whatever they want and doing whatever they please,
which
Correct word choice
and
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 they may struggle to accept rules or restrictions, and
thus
Linking Words
 they apply the same attitude and mindset at school, expecting similar treatment at home, leading to behavioural issues and conflicts with peers or teachers.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 are less likely to cherish and appreciate what they have, as their demands are always easily fulfilled.
By contrast
Linking Words
, if they have to earn things at some cost,
such
Linking Words
 as better academic achievements or engaging in household chores, they may have a better understanding of how hard it is to achieve things in real life and develop a sense of responsibility. The long-term consequences of
this
Linking Words
 parenting style could be serious. In adulthood, these individuals may
Add a missing verb
have deficiency
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deficiency
Fix the agreement mistake
deficiencies
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 in
emotions
Replace the word
emotional
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regulations
Fix the agreement mistake
regulation
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. Because they are not well aware of the delayed gratification, they feel disappointed and resentful when they are unable to get what they request immediately.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they may become aggressive, impatient and disappointed when involved in
such
Linking Words
 situations.
Moreover
Linking Words
, being raised in
such
Linking Words
spoiled
Correct article usage
a spoiled
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 environment may cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
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low competitiveness in the job market. Their parents always handle difficulties for them, and they rarely have opportunities to face challenges on their own,
which
Correct word choice
and
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 they miss chances to analyze situations, consider options or make decisions.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 dependence can cause a lack of problem-solving skills and decision-making skills, both of which are essential portraits that employers would like to see. In conclusion, giving
children
Use synonyms
 unlimited freedom and satisfying all their desires may appear loving in the short term but can lead to negative consequences in the long run. It is essential for parents to set reasonable boundaries and teach
children
Use synonyms
 that effort, discipline, and patience are necessary for personal growth and success in life.

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coherence and cohesion
Provide a clearer topic sentence for each paragraph to help guide the reader on what to expect.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant examples to reinforce your main points, enhancing overall clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all clauses and phrases connect smoothly and logically to improve flow between sentences.
task achievement
The essay thoroughly explores the potential consequences of permissive parenting, effectively addressing the question.
coherence and cohesion
The use of varied vocabulary and sentence structures is commendable, demonstrating a good level of language proficiency.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgence
  • overindulgence
  • leniency
  • emotional resilience
  • rejection
  • entitlement
  • realistic expectations
  • self-regulated behavior
  • egocentric
  • financial management
  • professional relationships
  • collaboratively
  • criticism
  • appreciation
  • value
  • effort
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