IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for or allow them to do whatever they want to do. Is this good for children? What could be the consequences for these children when they grow up?

In recent years, the scenario of getting things from
parents
Use synonyms
 has been changed. Kids can ask and get anything they request
for
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apply
show examples
from their
parents
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.
This
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 approach
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 only bad for their upbringing but
also
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 some negative impacts
in
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on
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 their later life.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate the negative impacts on kids with
this
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 notion
,
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apply
show examples
 and will discuss the serious consequences of it in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with,
by
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apply
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 getting everything in their childhood period would bring unrealistic or
same
Correct article usage
the same
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expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
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into
Change preposition
to
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 them from their
parents
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, they would expect
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 unless they know about the financial conditions of their
parents
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 even if they can afford it or not. If, in case,
parents
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are failed
Wrong verb form
fail
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 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 their demands or
not
Add a missing verb
do not
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 let them
to
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apply
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do what they
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 asking for would lead to anger issues, which have negative impacts on their upbringing.
For example
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, they would start taking
parents
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 as enemies as their wish was not
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
 approval.
Thus
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 the above-mentioned example clearly states
that
Correct word choice
apply
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why
this
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 approach is not good for them. Later in their life when they grew up, they would face some challenges
such
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 as poor decision-making and too much dependency on
parents
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 for their wish to be done. To expound, because in their childhood they were getting everything from their
parents
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 , so now they have to come up with their own
money
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 and
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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, which may result in poor decision-making, as they were spoiled in their childhood period.
In addition
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 to it, they do not know the value of
money
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 so far which would
results
Wrong verb form
result
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 in poor use of it, and in some cases,
for instance
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, kids who were spoiled before would end up in gambling or some crimes for the sake of
money
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.
Hence
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, the aforementioned testaments
states
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state
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
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why they should not get everything they ask for.
To conclude
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, giving unlimited freedom to
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their desires would
results
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
 in poor
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
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 later in life , and
beside
Replace the word
besides
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 that they would end up
loosing
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losing
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money
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 because of the choices they would make with it.

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task achievement
The introduction is clear but could benefit from a stronger thesis statement that summarizes your main arguments more explicitly. Try to outline the main points you'll discuss in the essay at the end of your introduction.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well organized, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use more linking words and phrases to connect your points and improve flow.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, but they could be elaborated on to better illustrate your points. For instance, providing specifics on how financial ignorance might lead to gambling would enhance your argument.
task achievement
You effectively highlight the potential negative consequences of indulgent parenting, particularly in relation to decision-making and financial responsibility.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is structured with clear paragraphs, allowing for distinct discussion of each main idea, which makes it easier to follow your argument.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgence
  • overindulgence
  • leniency
  • emotional resilience
  • rejection
  • entitlement
  • realistic expectations
  • self-regulated behavior
  • egocentric
  • financial management
  • professional relationships
  • collaboratively
  • criticism
  • appreciation
  • value
  • effort
What to do next:
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