IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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There is a trend for the vast majority of people with health problems to hold an opinion that alternative
medicines
Use synonyms
 are more effective than going to the hospital. I certainly believe that it is mostly harmful improvement as scientific medicine provides better quality treatment than national or traditional ones. In
this
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 essay let us discuss both sides of
this
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 statement and reach a reasonable conclusion. On the one hand, one of the advantages of alternative treatments is that it is much more accessible for everyone who cannot afford
medicines
Use synonyms
 or professional doctors,
moreover
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, people do not need a recipe to take it. A
further
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 convenience is that it mostly uses natural ingredients rather than chemicals in ordinary pharmacy which
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 the chance of possible consequences after taking them.
For instance
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, older generations
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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did not have any effective
medicines
Use synonyms
 used to heal with the help of natural ingredients
such
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 as garlic, honey and some plants.
On the other hand
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,
although
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, national treatment is good for
humans
Change the noun form
human
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 health, it does not give a 100% probability of healing from diseases as some people might be allergic to plants or worse quality ones may be used.
Furthermore
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,
such
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 methods were not approved by scientists and were not studied properly yet so in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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 they might be dangerous.
For instance
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, there are a lot of preparations nowadays that are believed to be healthy but those who
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 consuming them and doctors say
different
Change the word
differently
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.
To sum up
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, alternative
medicines
Use synonyms
 are effective in helping
immune
Correct article usage
the immune
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 system but in case of
illness
Add a comma
illness,
show examples
 it is better to go to the hospital. I think that
however
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 scientific treatment may lead to having side effects, it still gives more confidence
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 healing.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more clearly and separating your ideas distinctly. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your claims and improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance your introduction and conclusion by summarizing your key points more effectively and restating your opinion more explicitly.
task achievement
You have presented a clear opinion throughout the essay, which is an essential component of task achievement.
task achievement
Your use of natural examples, such as garlic and honey, adds a nice touch and can engage the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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