IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries today, there are concerns about the unhealthy lifestyles that people lead. What health issues are linked to modern lifestyles? What answers to these problems can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and support your essay with ideas and examples from your own experience.

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Many unhealthy
Use synonyms
lifestyle
Change to a plural noun
lifestyles
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the development of technology, including having a sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, eating more ultraprocess
food
Use synonyms
, and excessive use of social media are increasing worldwide. These will lead to numerous
health
Use synonyms
 issues
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, which can cause
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of non-communicable
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
show examples
 namely Diabetes, Hypertension, and many more. To tackle
Linking Words
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
, both individuals and the government need to cooperate with each other to raise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness of these
health
Use synonyms
 issues and change a
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 to be more healthy.
While
Linking Words
, modern
lifestyles
Use synonyms
 offer more convenient ways to communicate with friends and family, commute to work, and access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
services or
food
Use synonyms
, they can harm individuals in various
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
. The excessive use of convenient services may have negative effects.
For example
Linking Words
, reducing active
Use synonyms
lifestyles
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyle
show examples
, which
known
Add a missing verb
is known
show examples
 as
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, by working desk jobs or
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not engaging in regular physical activity can contribute to obesity and related
health
Use synonyms
 problems
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 diabetes and cardiovascular diseases.
Moreover
Linking Words
, an
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 and ultra-process
food
Use synonyms
 rich in sugars and unhealthy fats consumption can lead to nutritional
deficientcies
Correct your spelling
deficiencies
 and chronic diseases.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
fast-pacing
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
show examples
lifstyles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
lifestyle
 involve high levels of stress
due to
Linking Words
 work pressures and social media, contributing to anxiety and depression. Many campaigns can be created by governments and local authorities to promote more active
lifestyles
Use synonyms
 and encourage people to consume more healthy
food
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
 in more resting
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 for people to
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
,
lower
Correct word choice
and lower
show examples
 the cost of healthy
food
Use synonyms
. Individuals can help tackle
by
Correct pronoun usage
this by
show examples
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
excessive screen time and
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 more
awareness
Replace the word
aware
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
food
Use synonyms
 choices. In conclusion, unhealthy
lifestyles
Use synonyms
 have negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
Use synonyms
, the government and people need to be aware of the drawbacks of a convenient
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 of life.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This helps set the reader's expectations.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy, particularly subject-verb agreement and plural forms (e.g., 'There are many unhealthy lifestyles' instead of 'Many unhealthy lifestyle').
task achievement
Include more specific examples or personal experiences to support your arguments. This could enhance the relevance and depth of your points.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid minor errors in word forms (e.g., 'ultra-processed' instead of 'ultraprocess') and consider your sentence structures for clarity.
task achievement
You effectively identified key health issues related to modern lifestyles and suggested relevant solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in the flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • nutritional deficiencies
  • chronic diseases
  • mental health
  • stress management
  • substance abuse
  • coping mechanisms
  • sleep disorders
  • preventive measures
  • public health initiatives
  • wellness programs
  • health education
What to do next:
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