IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Certain individuals believe that male and female students should get
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
 in different subjects.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the opposite side, some believe that all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders
Use synonyms
 should study
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same subjects. That's the main topic I will discuss in the upcoming paragraphs and I will give my opinion with rationale and specifics.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the question
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
Men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 should be separated in studying. Should learn at the same place together. As they can. In some courses
according to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
 like Home Science,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will not give fun to the student. In the game
schools
Use synonyms
, we can see how the different
genders
Use synonyms
 play games. They Play some for the boys,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 Can get lessons
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
electrician
Fix the agreement mistake
electricians
show examples
, mechanics and plumbers which help them to get complementation
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 which help them to get employment and help them shape their future in contact trades. In
countries
Use synonyms
 of developing and developed are,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 help shape
such
Linking Words
 future in contact trades.
Countries
Use synonyms
 of developing and developed
countries
Use synonyms
 help In some
aspects
Add a comma
aspects,
show examples
 their
women
Use synonyms
 which are more, do complements the
men
Use synonyms
's work and helps
women
Use synonyms
 do complements
such
Linking Words
 more and helps more help them shape their future contacts. If
countries
Use synonyms
 of developing and developed
countries
Use synonyms
 help and make
schools
Use synonyms
 planned
within
Change preposition
for
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 and
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
schools
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 planned within amounts of girls and planned within amounts of girls and
men
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
women
Use synonyms
 say "
some
Capitalize word
Some
show examples
 people hate
women
Use synonyms
. The
women
Use synonyms
 say "
some
Capitalize word
Some
show examples
 people hate
women
Use synonyms
. Their point of view is somewhat right.
That is
Linking Words
 because
point
Add an article
the point
show examples
 of view is somewhat right,
that is
Linking Words
 because their institute is fully
women
Use synonyms
,
otherwise
Linking Words
, in some aspects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the other hand,
gathering
Add an article
a gathering
the gathering
show examples
 of both
genders
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 should champion and talk together. In some aspects,
gathering
Add an article
a gathering
the gathering
show examples
 of both
genders
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 should champion and talk together and meets
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 opposite
gender
Use synonyms
.
If communicate
Wrong verb form
Communicating
show examples
 with the opposite
gender
Use synonyms
 can reduce the safety of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. If it was in the same class as in the
schools
Use synonyms
 they you have to deal with our
genders
Use synonyms
. If
this
Linking Words
will happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
then
Linking Words
 there are chances that they will only become friendly and interested in the same
gender
Use synonyms
 by becoming day and special. In the term,
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 only concentrates
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
. These trends of
gender
Use synonyms
 equipment in the
schools
Use synonyms
. The trends in India
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
 reported in the study.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 it
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 opportunities for other people better than the boy. Children who
studies
Change the verb form
study
show examples
 in school, planned
women
Use synonyms
 In conclusion. It is nothing
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 the grooming of the child to adapt together
although
Linking Words
 to both the sexes. It recognizes and differentiates views but I believe that it can be better to get education from the same school for all
genders
Use synonyms
.

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task response
The introduction states the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement. Ensure to outline both views more distinctly and present your opinion clearly towards the end of the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
The coherence between the ideas can be improved. Use linking words effectively to connect your points logically. For instance, transition phrases like 'On one hand,' and 'On the other hand,' could help.
task response
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, discussing benefits of mixed versus single-gender schooling with research or statistics could strengthen your points.
task response
You clearly attempt to present both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main ideas effectively and states your opinion, which is a good approach.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • co-education
  • gender segregation
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • discrimination
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • diversity
What to do next:
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