IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the most important skill for nurses is strong medical knowledge, while others think that other qualities are more essential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The question of whether
children
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 should be granted
with
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apply
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fully
Change the adverb
full
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freedom
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 from the
adolescence
Replace the word
adolescent
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 years of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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age
,
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apply
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 was always a topic of debate and now becomes more controversial
due to
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 its profound implications on their
overall
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 development.
Although
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,
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apply
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 Independency plays a crucial role in their lives, In my opinion, limited allocation of
freedom
Use synonyms
 to juveniles is acceptable. Analyzing the statement and moving
further
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, the first and foremost reason behind providing autonomy to youngsters is that it is important for their personal growth and development, which is
essential
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an essential
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 part of their upbringing. Another striking benefit
with
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in
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this
Linking Words
 regard is that granting
freedom
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 to juveniles from
early
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an early
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 age
,
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apply
show examples
 makes them confident and enables them to choose their appropriate life goals without having any pressure or excessive restrictions. Discussing
further
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, it cannot be ignored that the main reason behind
this
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 is
sense
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a sense
the sense
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 of happiness that they obtained from the independent environment which will ultimately make them creative and good decision
maker
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makers
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 to tackle future
endeavors
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endeavours
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 perfectly.
Conversely
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, the main underlying reasons
stems
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stem
show examples
 from the fact that granting unrestricted liberty to
children
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 not only deteriorates their advancing life but
also
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 sometimes detrimentally
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
 their familial ties.
Therefore
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, clear boundaries are necessary to prevent
children
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 from becoming unruly and disrespectful.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, It is pertinent to mention that parents, teachers and other close relatives are considered responsible for installing discipline, manners and social- norms in
children
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. Apart from the reasons  mentioned above, many are in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of providing extreme self-reliance to adolescents for better nurturing.
To conclude
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, after analyzing the aforementioned arguments, one can reach the conclusion that undoubtedly,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 of giving
of
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apply
show examples
freedom
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 to young ones from their childhood are too great to negate in terms of confidence stimulation and goal achievement.
Nevertheless
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, it is
ideal
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the ideal
an ideal
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 approach to
lies
Wrong verb form
lie
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 somewhere in between
for shaping
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to shape
show examples
 them as
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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well-rounded citizens.

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introduction
The introduction could be clearer in presenting your main argument. Consider stating your opinion more explicitly at the end of your introduction.
supporting points
Some ideas in the body paragraphs could be more developed with specific examples or explanations to strengthen your arguments.
language
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, as these can distract from your overall message.
coherence
Try to use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay and help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
content
You provided a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument.
conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively and restates your opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Medical knowledge
  • Diagnosing
  • Treating patients
  • Patient safety
  • Care quality
  • Informed decisions
  • Emergency situations
  • Time is of the essence
  • Communicate effectively
  • Healthcare professionals
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Empathy
  • Patient experience
  • Supportive environment
  • Healing environment
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Manage stress
  • Well-being
  • High-quality care
  • Organizational abilities
  • Multi-tasking
  • Responsibilities
  • Smooth operation
  • Healthcare services
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