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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below shows the particpants for diffrent activites at one social center in melbourn,Austrlia from 2000 to 2020

the graph below shows the particpants for diffrent activites at one social center in melbourn,Austrlia from 2000 to 2020
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The line chart illustrates the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of participants for various types of activities in Melbourne and Australia for two decades.
Overall
Linking Words
, The largest
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
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film
Correct article usage
the film
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 club.
Linking Words
While other
Change preposition
Other
show examples
 activities
where
Correct your spelling
were
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 under 40
visitors
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
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 Material arts, table tennis, musical
performance
Fix the agreement mistake
performances
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 and drama.
In
Change the preposition
At
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 the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
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table tennis started with 25
visitors
Use synonyms
 and continued to rise until
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 peak
around
Change preposition
of around
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 52
visitors
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile,
drama
Add an article
the drama
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 started with 25
visitors
Use synonyms
, and it experienced a dramatic decrease until 2020.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
martials
Correct your spelling
martial
 arts had 35 participants in 2000
then
Linking Words
, it fluctuated the whole time of the
period
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, tennis where no longer there before 2005 but after it witnessed a gradual increase until 2020.
it
Capitalize word
It
show examples
 appears from the graph that
Film
Correct article usage
the Film
show examples
 club had the most participants among other activities it
is begin
Wrong verb form
began
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 with 66
person
Change to a plural noun
people
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then
Linking Words
 it
vary
Wrong verb form
varied
show examples
 and continued to reach the same as the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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