Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. To what extent Do you agree or disagree

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Some say the
salary
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is the most important part of employment. It is more important than job satisfaction. I completely agree with
this
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idea.
This
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essay will provide evidence to support my opinion. The main reason why
salary
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is the most important aspect of work is that it can create a happy and easy life. A good
salary
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,
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apply
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can pay for food, rent, and monthly bills without stress.
Also
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,
money
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makes it possible to buy nice things.
For example
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, it is possible to buy the latest iPhone, designer clothes, and go on expensive vacations.
In addition
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,
money
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helps in trying new hobbies and eating in the finest restaurants with friends.
Money
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provides choices in life and offers more options. Where to live and which university to send the
children
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.
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to.
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The second reason that a big
salary
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is very important is for family security.
First,
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money
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allows for the care of the extended family, including grandparents and relatives.
For example
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, it is possible to lend
money
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and help out during financial problems.
Also
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, paying expensive medical bills for everybody is possible.
Moreover
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,
money
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protects your family in hard times or emergencies,
such
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as paying for doctors when a family member is sick. It
also
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allows for more privileges,especially for the
children
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. They can go to the most prestigious schools and even have special tutors.
In addition
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,
children
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can be sent to summer camps anywhere it he world.
Money
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makes it possible to expose the
children
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to world-class events and activities. In conclusion, a big
salary
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is very important in life. High pay brings
happiness
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happiness,
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reduces
money
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problems, and helps your family stay safe and comfortable.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer is on the topic and your view is clear. To get a higher score, explain why job satisfaction is less important, not only why money is good. For example, say that a job a person likes may still cause stress if it cannot pay for basic needs.
task response
Some examples are too focused on luxury things, like phones, clothes, and expensive trips. Use more real examples about rent, health, children, savings, and hard times. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Your ending should say your full view again: big pay is more important than job satisfaction because it meets basic needs and keeps the family safe.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Your order is easy to follow, but some sentences are not full or are joined in the wrong way. For example: “Where to live and which university to send the children.” Make this a full sentence: “It also gives people a choice about where to live and where to send their children to university.”
coherence and cohesion
Do not use too many link words in one short part. Use one clear link word, then explain the idea. This will make the writing smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “A high salary is important because it helps people pay for daily needs.” Then give one or two examples and explain them.
task response
You give a clear view: you fully agree. Your two main ideas are clear: money gives an easier life, and money helps the family.
task response
Your examples are linked to your ideas, such as food, rent, bills, health care, schools, and help in hard times.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Each body part has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use link words well, such as “Also”, “For example”, “In addition”, and “Moreover”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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