IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many children today use the internet unsupervised. This can create problems for the parents and the children. What are the biggest dangers for the children in using the internet unsupervised and what can be done to stop this problem.

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Nowadays the
internet
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 has become widely
accessable
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accessible
,
specially
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especially
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 to
children
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 where they can roam the
internet
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 without
supervison
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supervision
, and a
child
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 freely using the
internet
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 could cause many
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problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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 for the
child
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 and their
parents
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,
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apply
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 because the
internet
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 is a dangerous place,
this
Linking Words
 essay will explore the dangers of the
internet
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 and how to mitigate or stop its adverse effects. One of the biggest pitfalls that
children
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 fall into
while
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 using the
internet
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 is online gambling, where the gambling stems from
is
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apply
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playing online video games, even with the
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parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
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 knowledge, another major
problem
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from
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with
show examples
 using the
internet
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 is when
children
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 talk to strangers online,
due to
Linking Words
childrens
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children's
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 innocent nature, strangers can take advantage of them, by stealing personal information both their and their
parents
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 personal information, and another
problem
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 a
child
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 can cause from using the
interent
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internet
 is infecting their device with a computer virus, where the virus can lead to personal data and bank detail theft. To stop
children
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 from using the
internet
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 unsupervised
parents
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 must implement one of these solutions,
firstly
Linking Words
 is to limit the
child
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's ability to access
to
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apply
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a device with an
internet
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 connection,
secondly
Linking Words
, when using the
internet
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parents
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 should use parenting tools that are available in web browsers to limit the
childrens
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children's
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 ability to access
variaus
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various
 unwanted websites and
lastly
Linking Words
,
parents
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 should teach their
children
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 proper
internet
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 use
such
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 as, do not communicate with strangers and do not download files from unknown websites. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 unsupervised
internet
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 usage by
children
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 is a major
problem
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 that
parents
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 face, but with the right
guidence
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guidance
for
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from
show examples
 both
child
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 and parent, most of the problems can if not all
can
Verb problem
be
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 avoided.

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language
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'accessable' which should be 'accessible' and 'supervison' to 'supervision'.
coherence
Try to clearly differentiate between each main point and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea, especially in the discussion of dangers.
task achievement
Consider expanding on your examples for the dangers of internet use to give a more comprehensive view, and include some statistics or real-life examples if possible.
content
The essay addresses an important contemporary issue regarding children's internet use and parental concerns.
structure
The structure of having an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion is clear, which is essential for coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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